Understanding... I have come to realize that understanding is based on our own experience of things. I have been questioned and critiqued quite a bit as of late by quite a few people on decisions I have made for my children, especially Jeremiah. It has been said , "I DONT UNDERSTAND, why you do this or that or the other. I feel like it is hard to explain sometimes to people and I feel I guess that they can't understand because they are not in the same place we are in. I have been asked why do you not leave Jeremiah more, why do you feel like you have to be there all the time. I have been praying about a way to express some of what it is like. I am not really sure how to share it. I guess think about how special it is when your baby laughs for the first time, or takes the first step. They joy and elation you feel that first time is beyond amazing! But then your baby gets to the point they will laugh and laugh when you tickle them, and then those first tiny wobbly steps become walking all over the house and then running. You just dont have that same joy when you hear it or see it because it is now just something they do all the time. So imagine that your child did not laugh for an entire day, no matter how much you played with them, tickeled them, interacted with them, no matter if a room full of people are laughing at something funny, your child just is not going to laugh or interact at all with you that day, or imagine for a week, or sometimes longer they dont do that. Soo, then all of a sudden one day they bold face laugh at you, and interact, and make eye contact, but you were off doing something else and you missed it. That is a smal simbalance of kinda where I am. Jeremiah does not laugh every day, sometimes not even every week. He does not talk (except for a couple times when it sorta sounded like he said mama while crying), some days he does not seem to notice anyone else in the world exists. Soooo when he does laugh, smile, coo, interact at all it is all the more special and I would do anything on earth to not miss that rare special treat of connection with my son. I am sure this is not coming out correcly but I am trying to express just a bit of what I mean. So when I observe every second of my sons therapy session to learn as much as I can about him and be involved in all he is doing, or when I am not going out on a big shopping weekend trip, or joining in on the mom's gigglefest that is sans kids, please know that it is not that I am not wanting to spead that time with the sweet folks involved in those activities because I really would love to be included, but it is more about cherishing every second with my son, learning to be the BEST mom I can be for him. It is me dealing with the things the DR.s say to me in the hospital when they say they think the decline has begun, make your plans now, cherish each moment and have no regrets. As much as I want to believe they are wrong and it is not going to happen, the fleshly part of me at times feels the pain and fear, but then I pray, knock myself upside the head and determine to give him the best I can no matter if it is for a day, a month, a year, 10 years, or longer. I prayed for sooo long for both my boys, I begged God for help to bring them home, to trust me to be their mom, to allow me the one to receive the blessing and I wont to honor that trust God and the country of Taiwan had in me to give me such amazing gifts. So for those who dont understand the decisions I make I hope they will see that every decision we make is what we feel is in the best interest of our boys, that God gave to us to raise. Sometimes I am not ready to share the severity of things I am told by the doctors and it is hard to come out and ask for prayer because it hurts too much and because I dont want to speak all the negativity. I am not sure why I am writing or if this helps anyone to understand anything but there you have it. Now for a few pictures to share!! I will try to post a bit more often, I have been kinda overwhelmed with feelings and things lately.
my baby girl then!
my sweet baby girl! :) actin silly
Noah in the van on our trip to Mississippi to take Nannie to her 50 year high school reunion! ;) and to see the family.
lovin the leg crossed like a big man! :)
My aunt came home with us for a visit! Her next in back of van.
Noah after an accident in van. in his boots from his aunt liz!
tummy time
bearin weight no elbow after music time :)
noah playin while brother has his therapy turn
more playin
Noah helpin with Jeremiah's therapy
Noah and Aunt dorothy watchin movie :)
Jeremiah havin a blood draw at hospital with the BEST Phlebotomist on the planet! His big sister!
a sweet treasure! a SMILE :) and a big one!
Noah playing!
love this :)
another happy face! I sooo miss this during his times where he is not letting us in his world.
Adaptive PE teacher givin Jeremiah some weigh bearing time! Look how big he is getting!
Noah watching MVP and in love with the monkey! He watched the ENTIRE movie standing up! LOL he loved it! Monkey is getting up there with Panda's and cars and trains! LOL
saying goodbye when time to take Aunt Dorothy to her ride home
Noah realy loves his Aunt Dorothy!
I took this from the passenger front seat while on our way to meet Aunt Dorothy's ride home. I coul dnot see what was goin on back there but could hear her playing with them. Picture came out great! LOOK AT HIM, he is actually LOOKING at her! Times like this really make me wonder how blind he is, he realy looks like he is looking at her!
my sweet Panda boy :)
workin on sitting!
all by himself for about 2 minutes! :) He is getting better again!
Music time with Netta!
So thankful for our sweet Netta who helps us out now :)
Noah with his speech tearcher from school. He looks unhappy but he really loves her.
Noah found an empty shelf in shoe department at a store! He had to play with it! :)
Mamma and the Ethel High School graduating class of 1961! My mamma is the one sorta in the middle with the blue floral jacket and white hair.
Thanks for any who read all this and enjoyed the pictures! thansk for prayers, frienship and caring.
I send you kisses in the wind!
