Not flesh of my flesh, nor bone of my bone; but, still miraculously, my own.
Never forget, for a single minute you didn't grow under my heart, but in it.

Friday, February 4, 2011

SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW!!! IN LOUISIANA

So we got SNOW!  Now, not sur eit is real snow, and some have said it was more ice or whatever but it LOOKED pretty and it was enough to play in!  We could not figure out actual snowballs or snowmen even though we tried several times throughout the day :)  lol It was too powdery the first time and too hard by the last time we went out.  Just did not work for us.  It never went above freezing so we MAY see it tomorow.  not sure yet.  Anyway here are some pics of our fun in the snow.  Not near enough pics cuz everyone wanted to play more than be the photographer :) lol


Jeremiah did go out but I did not leave him out for long.  I was worried about him being too cold, but then when I took him right inside the door so he could hear us and then sit with Nanny while we kept playin I felt soo guilty.  SOO hard to balance making sure he experiences ALL of life and protecting him at the same time.  IF I end up having Celeste home tomorow again to help (daddy has to go to work no matter what the roads do :( ) anyway I will try to take him out a little longer tomorow.  I did not let him touch the snow, though it was snowing so it touched him as it came down.  HE loves it outside and so was quite content.  Just renewed my desire for a big ole front porch and ramp :) 

Jei Jei loved it just as much as Panda Boy :) She tried to make a snow angel and the first try the snow was so hard that nothing happend at all, then they jumped up and down on it to loosen it all back up, then she did it and it sorta worked except you could see the mud below as the outline.  LOL



Mama and Daddy had a bit of fun too! Celeste had fun with her camera taking these then I had fun making the collage.  LOVE to do that kinda thing. 

My happy frogie boy this evening :)

this was Noah's VERY FIRST GLIMPSE of the snow this morning!

Here he is looking out at it and chompin at the bit to go outside :)

this was our attempt to make a snowman, was so difficult Celeste gave up and made a snow seal! LOL

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Need to talk

I am bawling as I type.  Today MY dog Bella left this earth.  I am not handling it well.  Been a very emotional day.  Trying to be as normal as possible with Noah and all so we are watching Little House on the Prairie and it is the episode where there baby son dies.  NOT a good show for me to see.  My heart is breaking watching the grief and for some scary reason all I can think of is how would I survive if it was Jeremiah and then I remember that according to the Neuro it is going to be Jeremiah. :(  I soo want to hold on to faith and to beleive that He is going to outlive any expectations they have for him and for that matter us.  A parent is suppose to go before the children.  and I know GOD is bigger than prognosis, but for some reason today it is REALLY getting to me and this FEAR is creeping in big time and sadness.  Great sadness. and then fear of not being strong enough to survive loosing him and what will happen to the rest of the family and just crazy thoughts.  I dont want to go crazy, I dont want to loose my baby and I want to believe the Neuro is beyond wrong and there is nothing to say that he is right at this point.  Jeremiah is doing well, did much better with the mycoplasma pneumonia than they ever thought he would.   He has made it through things nobody would believe he would make it through.  SO WHY AM I FEELING LIKE THIS :(  UGGGH anyway just needed to get this out.  Some days it is so hard living with a death sentence for your baby hanging over your head.  BUT I HAVE TO SPEAK LIFE!  LIFE LIFE LIFE!

For those who don't remember.  Here is a picture of my Bella:

And here is a shot of my sweet boys!  Noah was using his play cell phone and trying to take a picture of him and Jeremiah! lol

Friday, January 28, 2011

run away...

So, I am feeling really yuck at this point and very guilty but I seriouly want to run away for a night or weekend!  For real..  it is soo unlike me to want to leave my kids and so I am in tears over this.  I am not sure why this desire is so strong and I will have to get over it because there is noone on the planet I can leave Noah with as he will scream and thrash and harm himself the ENTIRE TIME :(  Poor guy, his attachement issues are so great.  I spoke with a therapist friend about it and she said even with him being 16 and a half months old when we came home that he still fears that I will abandon him.  I know that it was very traumatic for him when we got him but I really did not expect him to till be soo afraid of me leaving over 2 years late.  It is soo hard for him even for me to take a bath and leave him in the next room.  We do it but I alway end up rushing back out to a major come apart.  he will start out ok for awhile now and then something happens.  Sunday school they bring him to me becaue they can't handle him when he wigs.  So I know that it is something that we have to deal with and the day will come eventually.  I mean he can now go with Celete or bobby on an errand and leave me and be ok for  a short time, but I can't leave him.  and when he gets tired all bets are off.  Then my sweet frogie boy with his special needs most are not able to care for him or comfortable doing so.  I MOST OF THE TIME don't realy care anyway because I am not one that likes to leave my kids so its fine, BUT for some reason right now I just want to get away...run away.. for a night or the weekend.  Silly thing is even if they were at a point where I could leave them with someone I would worry the entier time anyway..lol  sooo what is WRONG WITH ME and why can't I just be ok with the fact tha tI have to pull it together.  I dont want to run away and do anything particually great or anything, it more silly.  I want to go to a hotel with Bobby and snuggle in bed and watch Tv and hold the flipper and just watch fun stuff, nothing with Elmo or barney.  More like The duggars and house hunters property virgins, yes to the dress, cake boss, cooking,, or a bunch of romantic comedies or something!  and have food delivered to me in the bed the entire time anytime I was hungry or thrirty.  silly I know.  The silliest thing is I am on verge of tear on and off today becaue I soo feel this urge to run away and desire to just be alone with hubby and snuggle have a back rub without Noah JUMPING on my back, etc.  But I dont want to leave my kids, I love them, I KNEW that they had needs that would require me to not be able to just go off and leave them with someone so I am so conflicted with my feelings right now and I am SURE this makes NO SENSE at all to anyone else :(  And to top it all off I am SOOOO HOT!  its JANUARY and I am burning up!  Gotta love Louisiana!  sigh  well just thought I would blog because getting the feelings out might make me feel better and help me deal with them and be happy that I have my family and that God has blessed me with these sweet treasures!  And I am happy.  I think I need to find a baby bed mattress or a toddler bed that someone is getting rid of and put it at the foot of my bed.  Once Noah is asleep maybe we could move him there and snuggle and watch quiet tv, or play cards or something and it would be a mini vacation. lol

Friday, January 21, 2011

I wanted to share :)

Hi all :)

Our agency is on a trip to Asia and on that trip they will be visiting the orphanage the boys were living at while waiting for us to find and then come get them.  Jeremiah being so sick when we first got him and then arriving home and ending up in hospital and Pediatric Intensive Care Unit really upset all of them as well as us.  Then the awful prognosis he was given again all are upset and prayerful for him.  Our agency asked me to make a DVD of Jeremiah to kinda show a glimpse into his life now that he is home and that he is doin a bit better.  I battled in my mind whether to include pictures of him in the hospital and all and decided to focus more on where we have been since then rather than that time.  Now, I wonder if I might should have but oh well.  Anyway I made the montage and the agency had it put on DVD, a copy for them a copy for the orphanage and Sister Therese and they made us one too :)  Such a sweet thing and we can watch it on our TV now :)  I made this the end of December but wanted to wait to share it till it had been viewed by SLC Staff and Nannies so they could see it live there since some of them do follow along on our blog and facebook from time to time.  I was told they would be seeing it on January 21st so it is no early am on the 22nd in Taiwan so I know they have seen it now.  I PRAY they liked it and that they had a peace about Jeremiah and that we are doing all we can to give him a good life and walking in faith that the prognosis is wrong but living life to fhe fullest even more so because of the threat!  Anyway I wanted to share with all of you :)  It is a bit long but I PRAY you will watch it anyway!  I give you a GLIMPSE INTO JEREMIAH:

Thursday, January 20, 2011

January Happenings at The Sisemore's

We have had some illness and quite a bit of business happening around here lately and MOM (ME) has not been feeling so great physically or emotionally at times.  I think EXHAUSTION and worry has got the best of me lately.  I am feelin overwhelmed with my home, figuring out schooling for Noah that is fast approaching, therapy for Jeremiah, and just life in general!  I am sorry I have neglected this blog for those who do faithfully follow and want updates on my sweet Asian Prince's I am sorry.  Sometimes I just can't come up with the energy to talk other than snippets on facebook.  If you follow and are not on FB with me but want to be shoot me a friend request.  I am Tamijoy Sisemore there :)  just mention you are from the blog :)

anyway thought I would share a few pics and a bit about how the boys are doing and things in general.



This is a shot of Noah looking at the hospital.  The other day he had a runny nose and was not able to do his Occupational therapy but since my wonderful daugther was off work that day she came with and they went on an adventrure in parts of the hospital where they would not run into any of the therapy kids that can't be compromised and I was able to take Jeremiah to PT.  Noah still will not stay with anyone without me there, and at home it goes into a dangerous fit and noone can handle him.  BUT if he can leave me then most times goin on an adventure with select people works for a SHORT time, but once he decides he wants me then all bets are off.  This day J session was only an hour so it worked out quite well.

Later the same day Jeremiah had a screening at the schoolboard because soon he will be getting services through the schools here at home in addition to our therapy at the hospital depending on what they decide he needs.  Noah and Celeste hung out in the van and she took this picutre on her phone.  He had cried and cried when I left them in the van and she had jumped through hoops to get him happy :)  it worked and she was quiet excited :)

This is Noah on the adventure with Celeste at the hospital

Noah got Candy land and chutes and ladders for Christmas!  Daddy is playing candy land with him here, IN HIS RECLINER!  LOL with Noah standing beside the chair and playing.  Silly but they had fun :)

This is a picture of the back of my hair! It gives me fits with tangles and all and tryin to figure out ways to care for it better.  It is layered a bit with long layers but it tangles and usually up by my scalp.  I threated to shave it bald but of course thougth better of it.  I was never really taught alot of self care or primping or anything so I am feeling at a loss with alot of things but wanting to look more pretty and feminine even with my weight :(  sigh   I am also battling very very rough feet and elbows.  Never had these issues before but at 42 I guess my skin is changing. 

Put this picture up because I got a Bunco Game for Christmas in my stocking from Santa!  I tried a few times to go to Bunco with a group of playgroup ladies but its really hard for me because of Noah and then on top of that the couple times I have been I was just not real comfortable.  Anyway love the game and hope to have friends in from time to time to play it with a group like its meant to be played but you can do it with as little as two.  The added bonus of it is basically you roll dice, there are different things you roll for each turn and all but Noah loves the game and beats us quite often! LOL  he rolls and we keep up with what he is rollin for and he never really understands at this point what he is rollin for but he rolls and is happy whatever comes! LOL  We play mexican train as a family too and Noah partners with bobby.  We use to play alot of skip bo.but that is more to play without Noah as he can't really figure that out, but I guess he can play as a partner maybe :)  We dont do family game night as often as we should but we are getting better at it. I want Noah to have memories of those nights for his lifetime.  We set Jeremiah up in his high chair at the table and he hears all the activity and at times will smile so hard when he hears someone say YAY or bunco or yatzee! LOL We always have music on in the background and he enjoys that too :)

Jeremiah has a milk study done on Monday.  The ENT wanted to know for sure if he was still refluxing and both ENT and I felt like he was based on his coughin, retching, choking and such that he does.  Durin the test he did not do ANY of the above.  BUT they assured me the test will show reflux even if he is not doing anything at the time. they are also lookin at the delayed emptying.  Well, I still have not heard back from the doctor myself on the results but when we were at the ENT yesterday he got the results from Dr. Brown's Nurse on the phone for the reflux part of the test and it was NEGATIVE for reflux.  I was shocked.  But they say for sure he is no longer reflyxing.  The Nissan Fundo surgery is doing its job.  So the ENT is even more convinced than ever that Jeremiah's adnoids and tonils need to be removed.  The adnoids are blocking the back of his nose and causing increased mucous and swelling and lowered o2 sats.  He thinks all the choking, wretching, etc is all from this issue.  I AM NOT excited about them doing surgery but was told they have to come out.  The problem with this is that because of Jeremiah and his fragile state and all that has happened before they will put him in Pediatric ICU for a week after the surgery.  It is very dangerous for him and it scares the snot out of me!  But the doctor says evenutally that they have to come out and the longer we wait the worse the issues will be and more danger :(  sigh  Daddy also is like they need to come out honey!  Well, the ENT Dr Hollier, will not consider doing the surgery unless Jeremiah's Intensivist Dr. Eddleman that took care of him in PICU before is the one caring for him.  DR. E went off service today and will not be back till February 13th.  So for now preop is sheduled for Feb 14th (Happy Valentine's Day) and then surgery is Feb 18th and he will be in Pediatric Intensive Care Unit for a week.  PLEASE PLEASE be praying for him and for all of this.  Dr. Hollier (ENT) did say that he would postpone and not do it if for some reason Jeremiah is not in tip top shape at that time.  We have to do everything we can to keep him WELL around the time of the surgery.  We do not need anything that will comrpomise him or put him in more danger.  In addition to prayer for Jeremiah to do well, and safety and a recovery and an easy one and all, PLEASE pray for NOAH.  Our family will move into the hospital again for the week but there will be alot of time Noah will be away form me like before :(  He will be able to come in for visits and all to see me and Jeremiah and at night I will have to come out and get him to sleep and all but it will be rough, maybe even more rough than last time because he will remember that.  The good thing is we are at the hospital soooo much that Noah is quite comforatble there!  LOTS OF PRAYER NEEDED across the board.

This is a shot of my silly panda boy Noah.  can you see the excema on his face :(  it is SOOOO bad right now.  We have tried EVERYTHING under the sun in the 2 years he has been home and at times NOTHING helps at all.  Sometimes it is MUCH worse than others, now it is worse than it has EVER been.  We went to pediatrician again yesterday about it.  Tryin a few new creams so we will see how it goes.  poor guy. I feel SOOO bad for him!  She mentioned possible psorisis which I have no clue what that is but I need to find out.  If this does not work then we go to a new dermatologist cuz I wont go back to the last one :(   He is defintly growin though.  He is a WHOPPING 35 lbs at 3 years and 9 months old!  They did not do height so not sure on that. He was wearing clothes and crocks so might be a bit lighter but still wow!

a rare smiley shot.  He wont smilie when I am tryin to take pics .  ugggh

another rare smile, he does not smile on command and somedays he does not smile at all and others I am so blessed with a face like this :)

Here is Jeremiah getting cuddled by Lisa his PT after takin him out of the gait trainer!  We are so blessed to have  PT that loves him so much :)  and has become a friend as well! Doesn't he look BIG sittin in her lap! He is about 32 inches long when we measured him in the stander at therapy and yesterday at pediatrician weighed in at 25 lbs 7 ounces with diaper and llng sleeve onsie on!

Some things are just inborn.  We were blessed to be treated out to eat a few times lately at asian restaurants and Noah wants to use chopsticks like Daddy and Jei jei so we let him try.  Remarkably for a 3 year old he does not do half bad!  I mean far from perfect but way better than I think most 3 year olds would do.

My sweet mamma was with us this day.  She is still livng here with us and doing amazingly well for her 67 years young!  I worried so after she had to have her hip replaced but she is a thousand times  better than before and much more active.  She still has her ankle issues from the crushing of it over 20 years ago and I so wish it had gone as well as the hip did.  She likes to go out to eat and wll take me and the children out to eat a couple times a month usually.  on the 4th is her day to shop and get out and she gets quite frustrated if something happens or therapy falls on that day and she misses it!  LOL  We just dealy a day but its the end of the world to her!  Last month therapy fell on that day in the morning so she came with us and read in waiting room and then the day progressed. 

Frogie boy Jeremiah is still VERY aversive to food or even really bein touched around month and at times on his face at all.  BUT on rare occasions while I am TRYING to feed him he will decide to have a smiley day and like it.  Got a great shot here of one such day.  I WORRY so much about the upcoming surgery knocking us back again because he will be on the ventilator again for awhile :(  That is what caused all the issues to begin with.  sigh, another reason I guess to go ahead and get it out of the way now.  If I could just get the fear of him not making it out of my mind :( 

I am beyond excited to share that our family will have a  real vacation this year!  We will be going to Great Wolf Lodge in Texas with a bunch of other families who have adopted children from Taiwan! :)  This is the first annual family reunion of all of these kids!  I CAN"T WAIT!  We pray to do it EVERY year somehow, someway!  We have researved our room at the amazing group rate that has been givin our group :)  and will be going a day early and staying somewhere else in town to give us a bit of time to relax before all the festivites begin and allow Jeremiah to recoup for the trip an dall.  Drive will be about 4 hours or so.  and that does not count havin to stop for diaper changes, and if Jeremiah has to be calmed down or antyhing.  I will be meeting friends I have known and loved through computer and watched them on their journeys to Taiwan :)  I can't wait.  I MIGHT be blessed to see again the couple that we shared our Gotcah Day with if it works out for them to come.  And maybe see another sweet girl I prayed so hard for a family and met her in Taiwan and had the pleasure of coming to love her family too :)  And one of my dearest friends on the planet is for SURE COMING!  I can't tell you how excited I am for that!  and several others are for sure or posibly coming!  It will be the most amazing thing to meet everyone face to face!  If you are a family that has or is in the process of adopting from Taiwn then PLEASE get in touch for details on all of this great reunion :)

Well, I will close for now as I got a bit long winded!  Will try to be around a little more between this and my journey to a better me blog!

Monday, January 17, 2011

THE WAIT FOR NOAH IS OVER!!!! November 3, 2007~September 8, 2008 First heard about Noah~Noah in our Arms!
AND NOW THE WAIT FOR JEREMIAH IS OVER TOO!!!
April 1, 2009~ June 7, 2010 First committed to Jeremiah~Jeremiah in our Arms!

The FIRST Picture we EVER saw!

The FIRST Picture we EVER saw!
Noah WesLee 5 months old

The First Picture we ever saw of:

The First Picture  we ever saw of:
Jeremiah Harold Sisemore ~1 year


Kisses in the Wind

KISSES IN THE WIND
I hold you in my heart and touch you in my dreams.
You are here each day with me, at least that's how it seems.

I know you wonder where we are... what's taking us so long.
But remember child, I love you so and God will keep you strong.

Now go outside and feel the breeze and let it touch your skin...Because tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God hold you in His hand until I can be with you.
I promise you, my darling, I'm doing all that I can do.

Very soon, you'll have a family for real, not just pretend.But for tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.


May God wrap you in His arms and hold you very tight.
And let the angels bring the kisses that I sent to you each night.


When Love Takes You In!