So, I recently had a very emotionally devastating experience. I posted my Wednesday's Child picture of an orphan in need of a family on my facebook just like I did here on the blog. A lady in my playgroup commented on the picture about taking care of our own in America first and through comments back and forth between her, I and several others, things took a nasty turn and she said some really cruel and ugly things about me. Then a couple folks came to my defence and then a couple folks said it was best to delete that whole thread of comments so I did, and then the attack (this is how it felt and how I took it) on my by this lady in my playgroup continued on private message. I was bawling literally all night long. I have unfriended her on my facebook. This lady claimes that she is not the only person in playgroup who thinks these things and that everyone is talking about me. I did consider leaving the playgroup over this but I did email one lady I am closest to in the group and she says she has heard no talk. I did not tell her who it was just what was said and all. She said if I leave then this person cruel and immature behavior wins. The lady who was responsible works so she is only at night and weekend activites, so for now anyway I will stay in playgroup and just not do nights and weekends for now. Unless I hear more from others. Just gonna see how it goes. I must say I am paranoid now about what are others really thinking, what are people saying, etc. So just in case some of this may be on anyone reading my blogs mind....
For the record..I did NOT adopt Noah and Jeremiah to get a check from the government! I could not convince this woman of that. She is convinced I do not love my kids and I only got them to draw a check. I am thinking that is really wild since NEITHER BOY GETS A RED CENT from the governement! (NOT that there is anything wrong with a family adopting a special needs child and that child getting disability. If they gave birth to that cihld and it was disabled it would get a check, so I dont have a problem with folks who do, but to be accused of not loving my children and only adopting them to get a check is crazy! I love these boys more than life itself and to be accused of that was devastating for me! If any of you reading are wondering WHY we adopted our boys...LOVE! that is it! NOT to get money,not for any other weird reason. We fell in love with them. If there was any selfish motive at all before Noah it was just that I wanted a baby and so we sought out adoption. If that is selfish then I guess I am. But once I began to learn more and more my heart was and is so touched by orphans! The day I laid eyes on Noah's photo I was in LOVE, the same with Jeremiah! I was accused of calling Noah a Retard! For the record I have never and would never do that. I could go on and on of the things this woman said she and supposedly multiple folks in our playgroup say about me but I am already bawling my eyes out just posting this much. IF you are someone who has questions about us, about our kids, about do we get checks (NO), do we get food stamps (NO), do we get medicaid ( NO on NOAH, YES on Jeremiah (BUT WE PAY FOR IT, we BUY secondary medicaid to help with his copays because he is so severe, would not qualify if not for that, not that there is anything wrong with taking medicaid but just setting the record straight) do we get WIC (NO on NOAH, YES on Jeremiah because we were required to by Medicaid to help with the prescription formula). Any questions you have ask and I will do my best to answer. The thought of folks talking about me behind my back and thinking bad about us kills me. YES, during our adoption we fundraised and out right begged for help because our son was in DIRE need to get home quickly and we did not have the adoption funds. If you think bad about us for that, then I can't help it but nobody else was wanting Jeremiah and we despretly wanted to love him and are doing just that! Please pray for my heart as it feels trambled upon, pray for wisdom in what to do, pray that the "others" that are talking in playgroup will stop and will not mistreat me or anyone else and pray that I can be smart and just stop trusting anyone at face value.
The Sweetest Word:
So the other day I am trying to get some things done, my mom is in the living room where I am trying to do this and the boys of course and Noah is saying "Mama this, mama that, over and over wanting one thing or another all the while I am trying to get things done and keep stopping to talk to him and do what I can that he needs or whatever and my mom says to me " YOU NEED TO CHANGE YOUR NAME"! LOL and she was sorta kidding but basically her reasoning was that he keeps calling me. But that is just it! HE IS CALLING ME MAMA! I remember crying and crying at the begining fearing I would never hear the word Mama at Noah's lips! But now he says it ALL THE TIME! My beautiful panda boy that was completely non verbal when we picked him up is FAR from non verbal now. He is talking more and more each and every day. He is definitly not speaking like an average 3 and half year old but he is so talking! So hearing Mama is the sweetest word I hear! Some of you remember Noah coming home, some of you knew he was thought possibly mute, some of you remember the tears and excitement when he said the first word, when he said mama for the first time. Each day he says a new word , a new SENTENCE finally and on and on! WOW! It amazes me to watch him! I was sad at the thought of never hearing him call me mama and cried about it but knew that I would be ok even if I never heard it, and I am so blessed I got too! NOW, I am in that place with Jeremiah. It is assumed that Jeremiah won't speak. There is no way to know for sure as we are not God, and yes at times I get sad thinking I will never hear him call me mama and again its ok. Sometimes with him I think I would so much rather him be able to see and look into my eyes and know I am mama. Something that shows me he knows me. But even if I never get that my love for Jeremiah grows! It amazes me how much I can love these boys! It amazes me how excited I get with each tiny or HUGE acchomplishment they make! Can't wait to share more and more with yall!
Pumpkin Patch:
Yesterday we took the boys to the pumpkin patch! I guess we need to go sooner next year because there was very little ther this year so my dreams of pictures of Jeremiah and Noah in the middle of a bunch of pumpkins did not happen! LOL But we did get some pictures. I am putting the montage I made in here and the ALMOST perfect picture :) IF Noah would have just looked at the camera! He is not into smiling on camera lately! HOW can a 3 year old have so much attitude and be so difficult with pics?? self consious already? or just stubborn and wanting to control what I want him to do?
Don't you just love the outfit! :) LOL
Noah decided "Miah" needed to wear his hat and glasses!
cool dude!
so cute!
15 comments:
I say- How ridiculous can you get? Seriously? I am sooo sorry anyone would be so in need of Jesus to say hurtful and rude things that do not make sense!!!!
And for the record- we have done foster care adoption, international adoption, and domestic adoption- I HATE- ok AM REALLY REALLY REALLY ANNOYED when people say "take care of our own" first. Really. Is that what Jesus says? I was under the impression from scriptures that Jesus asked who is your neighbor for a reason- BECAUSE EVERYONE IS YOUR NEIGHBOR!!!! Not just those who live in the US. Just had to get that out there!!!
Anyone who thinks you would do this for money- needs to have their head examined. Really- who LOVES DEEPLY a child for money??? Hello??? They don't know your heart. Sad really because your heart is soooo HUGE. How could they not see that.
As far as fundraising or begging for money- yeah!!! That is what we are to do to give orphans home. Hey, take a bow- you are doing what God called you to do.
Praying for this person!!!! They need a little more Jesus :) So we will continue to love them because you and I have the real joy of God in our hearts!!!!!
You do not have to answer anyones questions. Do they pay your bills? No. So why answer? She is a close minded person who lives a small small life. I hope she reads this! I adopted a child with special needs because I heard from God. I didnt even know until after the adoption that he could get a medical card and subsidy. What we do and do not get is my business, where we got him from and why we chose that place, again, my business! I guess we have to remember our fight is not with flesh alone.
The Bible clearly says what we are to do. If we do it and get blessed with help then that is a a blessing from God because we followed Him.
Oh my would I like to be in a room with that person, actually no I wouldnt! I wouldnt give her the time of day although I will tell you to forgive her. You forgive her and all that crap inside you will go away and grudges never hurt the other person anyway. Pray for her and her heart. Feel bad for her because God says that what ever we did not do to the least of these we did not to do Him. She is going to be really sorry.
Be blessed
A
http://ourjourneytoadoption.beckfamily143.com/
As you know, I have seven children. If anyone adopts for money (tax credit, government aid,etc.) then they will really be disappointed.
View this person with sadness. They don't understand and are missing out on so much. It is unfathomable for some that love goes beyond what the world sees as perfection. It goes beyond what some can understand when you CHOOSE to adopt a special needs child. So sad on what this person is missing out on.
In so much of life I think that when you are doing something right you WILL be attacked. It hurts, but do a dance girl....you are following God and Satan doesn't like it!
It's painful to hear the hate spewing, I wish I could give you a hug. Ugliness is not truth though. My guess is that this person may be an instigator and in her talking she just assumes that others agree (and may get angered when they don't). I would attempt not to worry to much about what she's said about the others in your group for that reason.
People often say very insensitive things, but they are often just insensitive and and not deliberately hurtful. This person seemed one of the lesser percentage.
I've found many don't understand international adoption. That's okay, God didn't lead them. Often, after really talking to them though, they end up with the first seed of understanding. Your planting the seed of God's love going beyond borders. Praise God!
Hugs my bloggy friend. May God grant you peace in this and help this other woman to understand a blessing that goes beyond words.
God is good.
P.S. Did I mention I want to give you a big hug?! :) HUGS GIRL!!!!
I'm so sorry Tami. What an awful experience. Whatever happened to the golden rule, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all". Some people love to make themselves feel better by making others feel bad. Take heart, You know who you are and you don't have to answer to anyone.
I am a lurker, who has been praying for your family for a long time and following your adoption journey. I am unlurking to tell you that I am so sorry that you had to go through that. That woman is out of her mind! Just from reading your blog and seeing how you put your whole heart and soul and worked so tirelessly to bring Jeremiah home, I can see what a loving Mommy you are.
Please don't cry about this anymore and hold your head high at playgroup! You are awesome!
Michelle
People can be SO unkind and hurtful. There will be those who will never understand why we adopt or how we can possibly love a child who isn't biologically ours...
There will always be those who don't understand, and so they grasp for whatever their mentality will allow them to reach. In this case, it doesn't say much for this lady in your play group... She obviously can't wrap her heart around it so she is desperately trying to rationalize it in her head. Its a shame that she only got as far as government support and that was the best she can come up with. That should tell you a little bit more about her as a person. Please try not to look at this as though you've lost a friend in your playgroup, but rather, you have gained some perspective about some of the people around you. Some of them obviously not too bright, and some not very open minded to how ones heart can open and truly love another human being unconditionally...
If you feel anything for this lady Tami, may it be pity. because those who are closed minded are usually the ones who shut the door and can't not give openly to anyone, but mostly to themselves. If I had to bet money on it, I'd venture she has trouble giving and receiving, and that would make for a very lonely, untrusting, and pretty unhappy life...
You have friends. You know who they are. If you count 3 that you know would drop anything and be there for you at a moments notice, then you have all you need!
The rest of the people in your life are acquaintances and they may come and go as they please. There is nothing wrong with being selective about whom you allow in your circle.
I'm glad this lady spoke up and shared enough about herself for you to know that you could never really be her friend anyway. What a waste of time and energy that would have been...
Hang in there and keep on lovin like you do!
Your little boys are precious and when you look at them everything else starts making sense.
((Hugs))!
Tami, anyone who knows you even a smidge who has an eye to see and an ear to hear and a heart (!!) KNOWS beyond a shadow of doubt that you love those boys like 90 .. . you don't have to defend or explain or anything . . . GOD is your JUDGE and HE KNOWS. I pity that lady--she must be a very hurting woman to attack anyone who is doing for their kids what you are. . . . Remember, GOD JUDGES--and He knows your heart! Look to Him . . .and yes, avoid the people who are going on the attack. (Makes you wonder what God was *trying* to do in her life that she was fighting so hard?! Is she called to special needs adoption but fighting against it?!)
Sending hugs from Ohio . . .
Wow! I had no idea that all went on. If she thinks people adopt special needs kids for money, she can examine my personal checking acct. Our 2 daughters are special needs (one bio and one adopted) and we don't and have never tried to get one penny from the government. She is a close minded person. She should be ashamed of herself! Hopefully she'll come to her senses and apologize. Keep your chin up girl. Don't let people like that get to you.
Tami,
I feel sick in my heart about this person"s self centered actions. But more, I feel sorry for her. It is clear she must be very insecure to say such ignorant and cruel things. Often times, people have to project, judge, and tear down others to try feel better about themselves. I know there are middle school girls who act like that, but when it is a grown women, that still always amazes me.
I will say that honestly, at this point, she probably feels worse now than you do, because SHE offended. You know that you are doing exactly what God asked you to do. So although you feel hurt, you know in your heart that your intentions are honest and good.
We all know the love you carry for your boys. It is SO clear EVERY step of the way. Like you would seriously take on the responsibility of caring for special needs children for a measly government check. Does she have ANY idea what amount of time, travel to Dr.s, therapy, patience and love it takes?
This world is FULL of children who need homes and care. Wherever they are, they are ALL our responsibility.Question - Is she actively caring for the needs of children of the world? I hope so. I hope to God she wouldn't comment unless she was actively participating in the care of children. If she is doing volunteer work in the foster care system, or fostering, or has adopted, then she does have the right to a civil, and I mean an adult, CIVIL, open - hearted conversation. If she is not participating in the care of children in need, then she has NO right to comment or judge.
I think the best thing to do is to pray for her. She needs love and prayer.
Oh Tami, I'm SO sorry that this happened! I just don't understand how someone would say such hurtful things! I agree with the others that she has MAJOR problems in her life! I know you only through your blog and I've followed your adoption journeys and I would stand up in court and put my hand on the Bible and tell anyone and everyone how much you LOVE these two precious little boys!
Please don't quit your playgroup - and you should work on forgiving this gal who is so clueless. Not because she deserves to be forgiven, but because you don't want to give her control over your feelings and your life! You need to forgive her for YOU, to move on. Let God deal with her....
Hugs,
Susan
moot96 AT aol DOT com
tamijoy,
I am so sorry you got those mean things said about you.Why is it people think parents adopt for money?I get that alot.Adopt your own i get that also...My comment is..we are all Gods children rather from here or another country..so we do have our own.
Big hugs !
I follow your blog and am a part of the same email group for parents that have children with special needs. I just want to encourage you today. I think you are a GREAT mom to all your blessings and I would never think that you adopted your children because of money. Obviously that woman has no idea that there is money in adopting special needs. I have two special needs kids that I have adopted through the foster care system and no one adopts for money. Love is the main reason that you and I adopt. It doesn't matter WHERE you adopt. There isn't anything more noble about adopting from our country nor is more noble to adopt from another country. What is important is that the family has a desire to bring a child into their home to LOVE and care for. I am so sorry that this woman has said such awful things to you. Keep your head held high and know that MANY people think you a great mom!
I follow your blog and am a part of the same email group for parents that have children with special needs. I just want to encourage you today. I think you are a GREAT mom to all your blessings and I would never think that you adopted your children because of money. Obviously that woman has no idea that there is money in adopting special needs. I have two special needs kids that I have adopted through the foster care system and no one adopts for money. Love is the main reason that you and I adopt. It doesn't matter WHERE you adopt. There isn't anything more noble about adopting from our country nor is more noble to adopt from another country. What is important is that the family has a desire to bring a child into their home to LOVE and care for. I am so sorry that this woman has said such awful things to you. Keep your head held high and know that MANY people think you a great mom!
So sorry you encountered someone so mean while already having to deal with so much!!!
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