Not flesh of my flesh, nor bone of my bone; but, still miraculously, my own.
Never forget, for a single minute you didn't grow under my heart, but in it.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Thoughts, Feelings, and planning for Gotcha day Anniversary

Tuesday, September 8, 2009 will be ONE YEAR since we were blessed by having our son placed in our arms!!!! Was that day easy? no not at all. Was not easy to get to or go through. As happy and joyfilled as we were to FINALLY be in Taiwan and meet our baby face to face, Noah was petrified and his entire world came crashing down and changed. He had no clue that it was the beginning of a life with his forever family, all he knew was he was loosing everything he had ever known to go with these crazy people who he couldn't understand. It is hard to explain how one of the most wonderful and long anticipated days of my life could also at the same time be one of the most painful, gutwrenching days. I guess it is truly like a day of giving birth biologically because you have the labor and delivery that are so painful, but the joy of the baby in your arms!! When I look at my son I so admire him! I cannot begin to imagine what I would be like if almost a year ago someone came in and took me away from every person, thing, sight, smell, and taste I had ever known. I am amazed at how well Noah has done and is doing! I mean even what his clothes are washed in changed so I am sure they had a different smell and feel to them! Yes, it was to give him a family, and more love and attention than he could have known with having so many babies and so few people. BUT, he did NOT know that. He cried, he grieved. I can't even fathom the fear he felt and for how long, probably longer than I even know. I wonder at times if he still remembers or not. I think about the fear I felt taking planes for the first time ever, the fear I felt when on the way back holding my baby boy the plane began to quickly desend during what we guess to be the typhoon weather. That petrifying fear was probably NOTHING compared to the fear that my sweet Panda boy was going through on our Gotcha day and for who knows how long after. I can't even put into words the pain I felt for him, how hard I grieved over his grief. My worries about IF I would feel like his mom were put to rest as soon as he began screaming and his fear and pain tore my heart out. I was emotionally bonded to him at that moment. My worries about could I love in real life the baby in the pictures I had clung to for 10 and half months were gone. I knew I loved this, MY SON, this gift from God and the country of Taiwan. But even with that the GUILT began. If I love him WHY am I putting him through this. Is it fair to him for me to come in and take him away from everything he knows, to frighten him? There are still days from time to time I worry. When someone warns me about RAD or says something about Noah being adopted and "That's because he is adopted!" or "Maybe its because you are not his real mother" I worry but then I think WHAT, I am his REAL mother. I am the mother God chose of Noah. I KNOW that Noah would not have come home without the help of the LORD! If the Father of the Universe trusts me to be Noah's Mother then how can I even worry. I want so much to be the best mother I can be for Noah. I want him to have the world. When I look back on our Gotcha Day and the first days with Noah I TREASURE that time. I received a wonderful gift that day. And in the long run I pray that the day will come that Noah will feel that he received a wonderful gift that day too!

We prayed about how to celebrate our first Gotcha day and decided that we will have a celebration party at Noah's favorite restraunt! It is a local Chinese Restraunt! :) If you are local PLEASE PLEASE take your family to supper at Chef Lee's Tuesday Night and come join us in the Banquet Room for a celebration! Here is a picture of the invitation I made!

We will celebrate 1 year since we were gifted with Noah! It is a celebration of the beginning of a new life, a future, a family growing. I know that Noah was born April 19, 2007 but for me I gave birth to my son September 8, 2008! A nurse did not place him in my arms, but his Nanny through the power of God moving during our paper pregnancy did! I am not sure if this post makes ANY sense to anybody but I wanted to share. To those who have your babies home, Celebrate! :) For those still waiting, as we are again, just know that though it may be a hard day, it is still a wonderful day.

I want to thank each and every person reading this blog who has helped in ANY way to bring Noah home, or Jeremiah. To those who prayed, gave, listened, CALLED me at just the right time, shared in anyway I give you thanks from the bottom of my heart! To Jackie and Jeff McDougall who shared this amazing day with us, Yall will ALWAYS hold a special place in our hearts, as will Miss Lucy who I had the JOY of witnessing join her forever family! I TREASURE the time we shared in Taiwan. I can't wait for the day we travel to CA and share breakfast again with yall! :) I will be forever grateful to Noah's birth mother for the gift she gave, to Taiwan, to St. Lucy's for the love, care, time, energy, and for approving our family and allowing us to even go to court to adopt Noah, and to Liza and Val and everyone over at Heartsent Adoptions! Y'all are my Hero's! :)

I have succeeded in crying my eyes out as I typed this post. Tears of joy, tears of sadness, tears of grief for what my Panda Boy went through, and tears of grattitude that he lays here by me in my chair and sleeps as I share my heart with yall!

Thursday, September 3, 2009

6 down at one time!

We had a long day today. We went to the hospital this morning while my neice Paula had a heart cath and PRAISE GOD she did very well and the news from it is much better than it could have been! We got home in enough time to take a babysitting job for the afternoon and that was very good for the baby fund! :) Well, we normally nap after lunch but when you have alot of extra kiddos sometimes things don't always run as smoothly. I am exhausted from a few nights with no sleep so I was REALLY hoping that I would get a little time to just vedge today. Well, between my amazing 21 year old daughter Celeste and I we managed to get ALL SIX KIDS down and alseep at ONE TIME! :) Actually it lasted for about an hour to boot! :) Here is EVIDENCE :)

Tathen (3)

Trinity (5)

Torrin ( 1 1/2)

Noah (2)

Tevin (11 months )

Ayden (9 months)

So there you have our proof of a miracle! heehee :)

here are a few more pics to share :)

This is Tevin and Ayden playing in Noah's garden! This garden is amazing. It is by Little Tikes and was bought for my 13 year old neice when she was 1. Went through her and 3 younger brothers and now Noah and whatever kiddos come through my house between babysitting, playgroup etc! heehee It is made GOOD!

Here are some shots from the hospital waiting room today!

lol, what a face :)

heehee :) he had the best fun with Jei Jei's hat he snitched!

more cuteness!

Isn't he adorable?! :)

lol, he has decided to start playing in our clothes. Those WERE clean when he snitched them from the basket! heehee

I ran by biglots today and as I am looking for what I need a song comes on the radio that is in my video for Jeremiah! It was so strange but I heard it and the next thing I know I am pushing Noah along in the cart singing along and BAWLING my eyes out! It overwhelmed me with how much I can miss a baby I have never held or even touched physically but boy has he touched my heart! I was overwhelmed thinking how fundraising is so much slower and harder this time than it was for Noah. How it feels like we will never get enough rasied so we can get to the point of our case getting to the judge. It is kinda of embarrasing to by bawlin your eyes out in the big lots :( I KNOW that my God is Able! I KNOW that SOMEHOW we will raise what we need and Jeremiah will come home! I guess this is just the beginning of having to work hard and fight to get Jeremiah what he needs. I know with children with special needs that goes with the territory to have to fight insurance company or whatever to get their needs met. RIght now I am fighting to get Jeremiah what he needs most. His mommy, his family, therapists, doctors, and on and on it goes. Please if you have a minute lift up a prayer for my sweet frogie boy!

Jeremiah Mommy loves you soooooo much. Hold tight baby boy and catch my kisses in the wind!

Monday, August 31, 2009

Praise and Pics

First off I wanted to share a PRAISE on the bake sale!!!!!

We had our bake Sale at Beautiful Bowtique on Saturday and raised $120 towards Jeremiah's Adoption! THANK YOU JESUS! We had a BUNCH of baked goods left so Bobby asked Pastor if we could put the leftover's out after Church Sunday with the donation jar if folks wanted anything and he said YES! :) Sooo, after an AMAZING servicce Bobby set everything out and our Church Family was so wonderful and we raised $243.98! Then I had an online friend donate $20 towards the bake sale for a CYBER key lime pie! :) She said if she was here she would have come to the sale so she decided to go ahead and send it through our chip in! :) Also a man at Church took a few things and said he would donate next service so possibly more will be coming! We still have baked goods!!! Anyway, we were so blessed to be loved on so good by our Church!
Now on to pics :) I have a collection of some pictures taken at some play group activities this summer that I snagged off our meetup website :)

Here is Noah and Samuel at our Ice cream social at the park! :) Noah loved the ice cream cone! :)

This is a free play day at one of the ladies house! :) Noah would sit with me some and then go and play some :)

Here is Noah playing by a good friend :)

Noah and Samuel :)

Noah playing. He loved the playroom and all the toys :)

Noah and some of the boys in playgroup :)

This is Drake and Noah! Drake is Noah's best buddy at this point. Drake taught Noah to say Pow Pow for powder and to climb the slide at Jumpin Jupiter to name a few things :) They are adoarble together :) This was at a water play day! :)

Drake and Noah again :)

Here is a video of Noah in Therapy! His ot/pt is working on upper body strength with him :)

Jeremiah my sweet angel boy. Sometimes it feels like we will never raise the money and get to pick you up and I have to remind myself that GOD IS ABLE! and GOD did it with your brother so I KNOW it will happen! God moved on people's hearts this weekend to donate to the bake sale to help bring your home and that was such a blessing! :) Someday I will tell you all about this journey and all the Lord is teaching me through the waiting! I love you frogie boy and until I get there catch my kisses in the wind!
THE WAIT FOR NOAH IS OVER!!!! November 3, 2007~September 8, 2008 First heard about Noah~Noah in our Arms!
April 1, 2009~ June 7, 2010 First committed to Jeremiah~Jeremiah in our Arms!

The FIRST Picture we EVER saw!

The FIRST Picture we EVER saw!
Noah WesLee 5 months old

The First Picture we ever saw of:

The First Picture  we ever saw of:
Jeremiah Harold Sisemore ~1 year

Kisses in the Wind

I hold you in my heart and touch you in my dreams.
You are here each day with me, at least that's how it seems.

I know you wonder where we are... what's taking us so long.
But remember child, I love you so and God will keep you strong.

Now go outside and feel the breeze and let it touch your skin...Because tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God hold you in His hand until I can be with you.
I promise you, my darling, I'm doing all that I can do.

Very soon, you'll have a family for real, not just pretend.But for tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God wrap you in His arms and hold you very tight.
And let the angels bring the kisses that I sent to you each night.

When Love Takes You In!