Not flesh of my flesh, nor bone of my bone; but, still miraculously, my own.
Never forget, for a single minute you didn't grow under my heart, but in it.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

I honestly love you guys...

Feeling overwhelmed with so much, but also feeling so thankful for my online friends and family!  For the other adoptive familes who have followed along and become family to my heart.  I have so many memories and so many things stored in my heart from so many of you.  LORA you have been a rock for me!  I can remember calling you HYSTERICAL from outside a car place when I first brought Noah home, and you calling me at the two scariest moments of my life as a momma with each of my boys!  During Noah's surgery as they took him form me, and in that small lonely room in ICU with Jeremiah at death's door close by me.   You have been my friend from the days before Noah came home even :)  You and TIFF, Romana, Judy, and Jackie and so many others got me through those long days of waiting for Noah and for Jeremiah :)  HOLLI your call today was not accidental but God ordained.  I needed the distraction of a good chat with another mommy from some pretty instense worries going on in my mind.  And to get to hear about things with Breelyn and you and the family was such a good distraction :)  And Shonette I have the blessing of you as an online bloggy adoptive momma friend who is LOCAL and I get to see from time to time :)  There are so many others that God has brought into my life and heart through this blog and through our adoption journey.  This song is to all of you :) 

(if you didn't see the other post form today with pics of kiddos you need to look below this one)


just thought I would share some random pics.  And ask for yall to PLEASE continue to storm Heaven about our unspoken prayer request.

We went to a Ladies Converence last night!  Jeremiah's first :)  lol  We went early to make sure we could get a seat close to back to get out if boys needed, a place for Jeremiah's chair and to just get to sit at all :)  so we had to entertain ourselves.

with big brothers "eyes" on

Noah and Jeremiah are looking more alike to me all the time :)  Noah and his fake smile crack me up

My beautiful baby girl!  very silly child!

We had the hardest time getting all 4 of us in a picture on the cellphone with us taking it :)

the ONLY way Noah will sit on potty, with his clothes on.  I like this picture he just looks so I dont know but I like it.

Noah loving on Bella!  Noah is all about TOUGH love.  Poor Bella.  I am constantly saying gentle, gentle, gentle

our 4 pups! :)  Bella doesnt want to stay with them most of the time now and they are just now 3 weeks old.  BUT she wigs if we mess with them, move them, or try to change the bedding.  She howled and howled till I put dirty bedding back in, I am like what on earth

Jeremiah has been very withdrawn lately.  Today he did make some noice singing along to the music and smiling and cooing a bit.

Jeremiah in therapy yesterday with the substitue who is there till our PT is back from surgery recouperation

Hope this is not TMI for yall.  Jeremiah's Mic-key button feeding tube had the balloon that keeps in in bust and come out.  I have been trained to put it back in and have done it before.  Well this time I like to never got it back in. I was petrefied he would need surgery again which I am avoiding surgery at all cost because do not want him on a vent again.  I took this to show the home health nurse I could not see the hole like normal and it was tighter.  It looks so bad.  I did FINALLY get it back in

Noah at the conference last night

another Jeremiah shot

Thursday, September 23, 2010

So, how long are you gonna do this? and playdate.

Today we went to my friend Margaret's house for a much needed playdate!  For me and for the boys! :)  Thought I would share about the play date :) First of all NOAH got his first bloody nose from injury! He was pushing Joseph in the swing and would not stand back far enough like we said and whack in the nose and to the ground he went. He cried but got up and walked to me so not too bad. It did bleed but not alot. Of course I had to take a picture first :)

This is after I zoomed in you can see Noah on the ground after he got knocked down and bloody nose.

He learned to come down carpeted stairs on his hiney. I did NOT LIKE this part at all and was scared to death but he did well with it really. I did NOT get a picture of that! I was too nervous EVERY time he went down. Normally when we go the "choo choo's are downstairs I guess because so many kids are there but today they were upstairs since it was just us coming. He would not stay up there long without me so it became a constant up and down and I thought I would go nuts.

We then went out in the back yard. they have a BIG playset out there and he loved it. It has levels to climb and a high slide. Made me very nervous but other than falling once (thank God it has the landings and walls. he fell back and I saw it but could not get to him but he just fell back against the wall and landed on landing. MY HEART leaped through my throat. Margaret was like he is fine. I know boys will be boys but man my heart... he cried but then recouped pretty quick and did ok. VERY NERVOUS time for me. But even with all that he had a blast :) and I had a great time with my dear friend! :)

then inside the put all the big couch cushions on the floor and would roll off couch onto cushions and laugh and laugh! it was cute though I felt bad because it was not something she normally allowed. 

Margaret made Mac and cheese , animal crackers, and baby organges for lunch. Noah did not eat the orange but ate all the rest up really good.  I am not sure he even tasted the orange.  I WISH I could get him to eat fruit, to even taste it but alot of times he won't.  We visited a lot and it was so nice :)

They had ice pops out on the patio.

Jeremiah did NOT like the ice pop too much :) lol
what a face he made!  Not sure if it was the flavor or color. 

and was kinda fussy a couple times outside though did like the wind.

He did the arm thing.  I am not sure what this is, but he will lift his arms all the way up slowly and then all the way back down slowly.  Sometimes he is asleep and sometimes awake when he does it.

after inside again after she put her youngest down for a nap and then she has one of those hanging bouncy seat things I want for Jeremiah so she helped me put him in it and try it out ;)  I do not even know for sure what you call it but I SOOO want one :)

The picture doesn't show it but he really liked it :) later he was actually smiling! Margaret said if we got one  we could put a bobby behind him to help him hold his head up :)  He can hold it up good but when I put him in things like this and the bumbo he leans back.  Not sure why. 

Noah had a FIRST for him.  He ran across the grass BAREFOOT!  He normally will not take his shoes off even in the house without a fight and has NEVER been willing to run in the grass without shoes.  It did take a few minutes to get him to be willing to go off the patio (which I was floored Mrs. Margaret got him to take shoes off to begin with).  It started with her telling him to take them off to grip the stairs with his toes coming down on hiney and they stayed off awhile. 

It was a wonderful morning even though I almost had apperplexy with the stairs and high play place :)

Also thought I would show you this picture of Noah throwing a fit to get out of his car seat the other day!  It shows what a good seat it is that he can't get out though he is not safe like this.  The van was parked waiting on daddy in  the first of 3 pharmacies trying to get meds for Jeremiah.

see how he has got the thing that goes over his chest down to his belly and arms out but can't get any further.  He is totally mad at this point! I was holding Jeremiah in the front seat and feeding him bollus in his tube when it started and was trying to tell him I would get him out in a bit.  It was frustrating because he should be able to sit in his seat and not have to get out just because we are parked but he wants out if we are not moving.  After I got done feeding I took this picture using my phone and the mirror.  I can't beleive it worked and was done one handed! lol

So afer our playdate and lunch this morning I had to go to my personal doctor.   She is a good doctor and always been sweet and all, though hard to get an appoitment.  You have to wait days sometimes, and that is so hard if you are sick or having alot of pain or something.  Anway this was a followup to some tests she did awhile back.  So we are talking and all and I have both  boys with me of course so she is aksing how they are both doing and then she says to me, "So how long are you gonna continue to do it?" I'm like what and she says keep him. WHAT!! I am still in shock by the question !!  I have told several on facebook and text and they were like livid for me and all and were like I know you are so mad.  I did not get mad, more sad really.  She is Asian as well.  I just think she thinks it is just too much to do to take care of him.  I did not ask her what she would have me do but I bet she was thinking putting him somewhere which I could NEVER do.  I adopted him because I loved him an dhe was a gift to me from GOD!  She was shocked when my responce was forever of course!  She was like , "Really??"   I have been told I should get a new doctor but I will continue to see her because as she takes care of me she will see LOVE make a difference and that Jeremiah's life has value.  She is a good doctor and I feel comfortable with her but she has never seemed to understand my desire to adopt the boys.  Even when it was just Noah :)  and she has seen how he has grown and changed and can now talk and everything.  I look at my frogie boy and I just can't fathom how anyone could ask how long am I gonna care for him.  I wonder would she ask me that had I givin birth to him from my body.  She might have.  I look into his face and I am in love.   Yes he does not always respond and give me smiles, yes he has alot of needs I have to tend too, yes I get soo tired especially when he is awake all night long, but he is my son and he is worth every ounce of energy I have. 

We went to the Neurologist yesterday and I really dislike that man more each time I go.  He seems to contradict himself every time we go.  Yesterday he was very gloom again and just talked about only enough to barely sustain life at THIS point.  He was saying he has NO BRAIN.  but then later he said someting about he thinks its you touching him.  if he has no brain how does he think?  for that matter how does he eat from a spoon, how does he smile, and laugh at times, how does he roll over the few times he has, how does he TRY to roll.  How does he appear to scoot to me.  How is that he can be crying and I pick him up and sing to him and hold him and he calms down, and then I put him down and he starts back.  to me that says he KNOWS me and WANTS to be help.  even if he doesn't know me, he KNOWS he is being help.  I am beginning ot think doctors really don't know anything.  So much of me wishes I could go to some really big place with great docs and hospitals and just see what they thought about all this with Jeremiah.  This Neuro will say in one breath he is doing good and in the next that he has no brain and it gonna have all these problems and he is barely sustaining life.  I am so thrilled he is doing as good as he is.  To look at him you would not thing the gloom and doom they talk about.

My freind I spent the day with whose sister is special needs is so encouraging to me :)  She was not suppose to live as long as she has, she is 28!  I pray they day comes that I am blogging about Jeremiah's 28th birthday! :)  Can you imagine a blog over 30 years old!  I LOVE IT :) 

I have not been getting as many comments and it make sme sad and wonder if anyone cares anymore, if anyone is following along.  But really this blog will be here to be a reminder to me of all God has done in our lives, and in the comments a reminder of all the amazing people God has brought in along the journey :)  and someday for Noah and I pray Jeremiah to read and know all about the journey to get them and the life with them :)

Lastly I ask those that are still reading along to PLEASE keep our family in prayer.  I have some unspoken requests but they are very important for us.  It is not anything health related so please don't worry but the need for prayer is great :)

thanks everyone, I send you blessings and kisses in th wind! :)

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

OT evaluation for Noah

Well, today was Noah's evalation for a private OT.  It did not go well.  He would not do a thing for her and she really did not give it much a try.  Bobby and I both were NOT happy with her! We both did NOT care for her and Noah took an imediate dislike for her.  sigh...  I am so sad.  there is another OT at the hospital and I am not sure about how to go about asking for a different OT if need be.  Part of me wants to TRY and see if perhaps it will work with her but Bobby does not think it will.  The other issue I had with her is she did NOT listen to me.  She was more focused on teaching him to sit in a chair and be prepared for school.  I said lady that is NOT why we are here, I could do that and he actually will sit and work on a project for LONG periods of time.  So that is really not an issue.  He would not do it today because she was a complete stranger and did not even try to make friends and ge tto know him.  She started out trying to make him do this and that thing.  It was awful.  She also kept talking about behavior mod this and behavior mod that.  He is NOT a bad child.  He has melt downs yes.  SOMETIMES they start from not getting what we want (but mainly not that.  sometimes there is no known trigger, sometimes it is wet on his clothes, sometimes it is being tooo tired, too hungry which we TRY not to let happen.  But she had this attitude that he was a bad kid and she also talked about not giving in to him.  UGGGGHH  I do not know how to get across to people that we NEVER  and I mean NEVER give in to a fit.  and it has made NO DIFFERENCE.  Usually he has a look of terror on his face when it happens and he is always very SAD after it is all complete.  He also has sensory issues about things touching him, his clothes etc.  I have sooo looked forward to OT starting because I thought we would finally have someone who was trained in the sensory issues and could help us.  Now I am upset and sad and worried.  I don tknow what to do.  I dont know if we can switch to the other lady, I dont know if I need to go to a whole other place for OT.  I just don't know. 

I did not get any pictures today because it went so bad.  Things I just knew he would want to do and enjoy he wanted NO PART OF.  afer it was all over he was in the room with me, Bobby Jeremiah and Jeremiah speech/oral therapist and playing and happy and this OT walked in and he SHUT DOWN and ran to me and buried face in my shirt.  He does not like her at all.  And her attitude worries me.  She said she would need us to leave so he would listen to her.  She has never laid eyes on him before today and he was nervous and she did not even try to warm up to him and he WIGS out to be left with folks he knows nad loves, so she didnt even listen to that.  I wonder what she would have tried had we not been in the room?  The funny thing is Noah loves several of the other therapist up there who are not his or J therapist and will run off with them to do something and leave me behind.  He is very comfortable at the place but for some reason was just not with her.  A personality maybe.  I don tknow.  I know I felt like she did not care enough to evaluate him appropriately.  We have been doing therapy all these years and I have watched therapist try to make friends with him and get him to be comfortable. 

anyway, please keep it all in prayer...Jeremiah had a great day of PT though we miss HIS PT who is out after having surgery.  We will be so happy when she is back in Oct.  The sub is sweet but we still miss  Miss Lisa :)

Here are a couple random pics to share :)

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Jealousy and Guilt

So I am wondering if other mommies of 2 or more little ones deal with jealousy and guilt.  Noah loves Jeremiah like crazy.  He does not mistreat him in anyway and tries to help with him above and beyond what a child his age should  BUT he is jealous.  Jealous of anything I do other than with him.  If I talk to Jeremiah and stroke his arm or leg, no matter WHERE in the house Noah is at that point he will be up in the middle of it in no time flat.  He will also sit with a sad face and watch me talk to Jeremiah, change him or whatever I might be doing.  Makes me feel so guilty because Noah is sad and seems to feel jealous.  But at the same time I feel guilty because I don't feel like I do as much with Jeremiah , hold him as much, talk to him as much or anything because of Noah and how it seems to affect him and because when I do Noah alot of times is then on top of me.  I feel like Jeremiah gets slighted in alot of ways because he is so calm and easy going unless his high tone is really acting up so to speak or he is in pain with his bowels or something.  Noah has these Jealousy issues with ANYBODY or ANY thing that takes my time or attention.  If Celeste hugs me, he is IN BETWEEN us if possible or trying to get there.  If Bobby does, same thing.  Bobby and I will lay on our bed sometimes facing each other and just yack and Noah HAS to get Right in the middle of us and usually does everything in his power to get in front of my face.  It is frustrating and it saddens me he feels so threatend.  I worry if I am not being a good enough mom to him.  I know he has sensor issues and anger/temper issues and ocd tendensies so I do not know if somehow it is mixed in with that or what.  Everyone keeps telling me how wonderfuly attached he is to me because he loves me and our family and always wants to be with us, but I worry that some of this is because of remembering having to share time with the nannies and all the other babies.  I am worried about him in so many ways it seems.

Today we visited a Church that has a Special Needs Ministry.  I got some really cute pictures of Noah today in their children's department.  Jeremiah slept through the entire thing.  There is no rhyme or reason to when he is going to sleep.    Anyway here are some pics, most are very blurry.  My phone does NOT do good action pics and I took alot when he was running and dancing and clapping during worship.

Please be praying for our family for some unspoken requests if you would. Also, Please pray for favor tomorow for an important matter Bobby has to deal with.  Thank you :)
THE WAIT FOR NOAH IS OVER!!!! November 3, 2007~September 8, 2008 First heard about Noah~Noah in our Arms!
April 1, 2009~ June 7, 2010 First committed to Jeremiah~Jeremiah in our Arms!

The FIRST Picture we EVER saw!

The FIRST Picture we EVER saw!
Noah WesLee 5 months old

The First Picture we ever saw of:

The First Picture  we ever saw of:
Jeremiah Harold Sisemore ~1 year

Kisses in the Wind

I hold you in my heart and touch you in my dreams.
You are here each day with me, at least that's how it seems.

I know you wonder where we are... what's taking us so long.
But remember child, I love you so and God will keep you strong.

Now go outside and feel the breeze and let it touch your skin...Because tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God hold you in His hand until I can be with you.
I promise you, my darling, I'm doing all that I can do.

Very soon, you'll have a family for real, not just pretend.But for tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God wrap you in His arms and hold you very tight.
And let the angels bring the kisses that I sent to you each night.

When Love Takes You In!