Not flesh of my flesh, nor bone of my bone; but, still miraculously, my own.
Never forget, for a single minute you didn't grow under my heart, but in it.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Jealousy and Guilt

So I am wondering if other mommies of 2 or more little ones deal with jealousy and guilt.  Noah loves Jeremiah like crazy.  He does not mistreat him in anyway and tries to help with him above and beyond what a child his age should  BUT he is jealous.  Jealous of anything I do other than with him.  If I talk to Jeremiah and stroke his arm or leg, no matter WHERE in the house Noah is at that point he will be up in the middle of it in no time flat.  He will also sit with a sad face and watch me talk to Jeremiah, change him or whatever I might be doing.  Makes me feel so guilty because Noah is sad and seems to feel jealous.  But at the same time I feel guilty because I don't feel like I do as much with Jeremiah , hold him as much, talk to him as much or anything because of Noah and how it seems to affect him and because when I do Noah alot of times is then on top of me.  I feel like Jeremiah gets slighted in alot of ways because he is so calm and easy going unless his high tone is really acting up so to speak or he is in pain with his bowels or something.  Noah has these Jealousy issues with ANYBODY or ANY thing that takes my time or attention.  If Celeste hugs me, he is IN BETWEEN us if possible or trying to get there.  If Bobby does, same thing.  Bobby and I will lay on our bed sometimes facing each other and just yack and Noah HAS to get Right in the middle of us and usually does everything in his power to get in front of my face.  It is frustrating and it saddens me he feels so threatend.  I worry if I am not being a good enough mom to him.  I know he has sensor issues and anger/temper issues and ocd tendensies so I do not know if somehow it is mixed in with that or what.  Everyone keeps telling me how wonderfuly attached he is to me because he loves me and our family and always wants to be with us, but I worry that some of this is because of remembering having to share time with the nannies and all the other babies.  I am worried about him in so many ways it seems.

Today we visited a Church that has a Special Needs Ministry.  I got some really cute pictures of Noah today in their children's department.  Jeremiah slept through the entire thing.  There is no rhyme or reason to when he is going to sleep.    Anyway here are some pics, most are very blurry.  My phone does NOT do good action pics and I took alot when he was running and dancing and clapping during worship.

Please be praying for our family for some unspoken requests if you would. Also, Please pray for favor tomorow for an important matter Bobby has to deal with.  Thank you :)


Happymom4 aka Hope Anne said...

No wise words . . . I know it's typical for kids at certain ages--even bios who have no real "issues" to go through jealousy. I had that with my youngest . . . at 5 now he is MUCH better, and has actually been amazingly positive about me caring for a friend's special needs child--very helpful and supportive, and not jealous. But he sure was when he was younger when I was TRYING to baby sit other children.

Michele said...

I know about the guilt. I had my 2nd son when my first was only 15 months. I sort of forced him (unconsciously and I didn't realize it at the time) to be the big boy. 13 years later, he is still an old soul. I feel like I robbed him of his babyhood. Then with my 4th son, I went in the opposite direction and still baby him even though he is almost 7. I know I am in store for the jealousy when his little sister comes home in a few months. Forget college, I am going to be paying $$$ for therapy for my brood! :)

lorabelle said...

It is hard Tami...
I can't say that any of the boys acted out or were jealous acting in that way but Allie gets extremely possessive of me and doesn't want the boys or even our cat to sit next to me. She freaks out if I'm giving attention to anything or anybody.
Coen on the other hand started shutting down when we brought Allie home and felt left out. I think that was the worst feeling I've ever experienced. Once I realized what was happening I was feeling a lot like I think you are right now. It was like pulling full time double duty trying to make sure that nobody was feeling left out or jaded.(?)
Let me tell you, Noah will be just fine. It doesn't have anything to do with your bond with him, not in a negative way...
It's just another learning experience, one of which he will have to learn to adjust and deal with 'cause it's a done deal sweetie! :)
Try not to beat yourself up okay!
Don't feel guilty for lovin it up with Jeremiah and just keep telling Noah he has to wait his turn. After a few minutes pass the lovin on to Noah and encourage him to share in on the lovin with his baby brother... He'll figure out you're a team/family before too long. Hang in there!
Hugs to you~

Laura said...

hi I just wanted to say you are a great mom to these boys and your daughter too! I just read some of your recent posts and your boys look great you are really doing a fantastic job! BTW thanks for your comment on Jonathans blog we will have to look into going to Morgan's park sounds fun but its a hike for us but who knows maybe a family vacation some day!
God bless

Anonymous said...

Sounds a tad like my 2nd child when I started babysitting and when our 3rd arrived (she was 19mths old then). I managed to get onto it with Prayer rather quickly. See *our* problem was rejection and once she was prayed for that rejection type behaviour stopped and she started really loving on her young baby brother.
I agree with what lorabelle has said plus when bub is older he'll have another to love and be loved by. Its a win-win in my eyes.
In Love and Blessings xx

Genesis said...

Just a random question, but I was wondering, does Noah have down syndrome? Because we are considering adopting a little baby boy from Taiwan (who was born with down syndrome)so I was just wondering how they would interact :)

Tami and Bobby Sisemore Family said...

Noah does not have Down Syndrome but I have multiple friends with children that do :) Google Reeces Rainbow Down Syndrome Ministry , there is a yahoo group and you need to join it to learn all about it :) Is your little guy with Heartsent??

THE WAIT FOR NOAH IS OVER!!!! November 3, 2007~September 8, 2008 First heard about Noah~Noah in our Arms!
April 1, 2009~ June 7, 2010 First committed to Jeremiah~Jeremiah in our Arms!

The FIRST Picture we EVER saw!

The FIRST Picture we EVER saw!
Noah WesLee 5 months old

The First Picture we ever saw of:

The First Picture  we ever saw of:
Jeremiah Harold Sisemore ~1 year

Kisses in the Wind

I hold you in my heart and touch you in my dreams.
You are here each day with me, at least that's how it seems.

I know you wonder where we are... what's taking us so long.
But remember child, I love you so and God will keep you strong.

Now go outside and feel the breeze and let it touch your skin...Because tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God hold you in His hand until I can be with you.
I promise you, my darling, I'm doing all that I can do.

Very soon, you'll have a family for real, not just pretend.But for tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God wrap you in His arms and hold you very tight.
And let the angels bring the kisses that I sent to you each night.

When Love Takes You In!