Overwhelmed!

Overwhelmed, just got updated figures from the agency, we still ove $7, 577 PLUS airfare for us and the boys, hotel, in country travel, food in country, and Jeremiah's visa! That is probably more than $5000 on its own. so we need probably at least $13,000 more and QUICK! It seems so far out of reach but I have to believe GOD IS ABLE! Waiting for HIM to show off! I HATE that money is the thing separating Jeremiah from his family, his home, medical care and therapies he so needs. I feel so like I have let him down, I mean it was hard fundraising for Noah but NOTHING compared to this time. So many things seem to just not be working and it really does not matter how hard we work, or anything. It just makes me cry that because the economy is bad, my frogie boy waits longer. When I think that he has already been there FIVE MONTHS longer than Noah was. Noah was 16 and half months when we picked him up, Jeremiah is 21 and half months now. And the wait is not over. I HATE MONEY! I mean look how much it is costing Taiwan to care for Jeremiah, wish there was a way they could let us go ahead and get him and figure out the money later, but I know that can't happen. When I looked at the breakdown today of all the U.S places that have to authenticate this thing and that, and how much they get for it and I know that folks need to get paid, but all I see is my baby boy and how many days of therapy he is missing, how many days of me workin his muscles, how many days of bein worked with by me, his daddy, his Nanny, his big sister, millie and on and on the people waiting to love on and work with that baby. I KNOW the Nannies love him and do the best they can, but I also know how much better it will be for him to have more people who can focus on him and his needs. Yes, I know none of that matters when it comes to fees and all, but it seems like so much of adoption journey is paperwork and fees and raising this and that to pay all these things that sometimes I think Jeremiah gets lost in the shuffle, by others , not by me. And most likely not by you who faitfully follow our journey here and pray and keep me uplifted and love me from afar, but by others. I look at Noah and how much he can do now, what an amazin transformation that has happened for him and I wonder what he was like durin the wait. Waiting is HARD. No matter how you look at it, havin a baby across the ocean is HARD. The fact he has needs so much more so than alot of babies just makes it harder and by that it is makes me feel that much more upset when I make a mistake and a fundraiser flops and we loose over $300 like the last one, or when I try this or that and it does not help. BUT, I know that we will spend our lives fighting for Jeremiah to have what he needs, he can't fight for himself now, he may never be able to fight for himself, but by gosh we will fight and we will remember how we got our practice while he waited a world away. We will fight insurance for the best medicine, therapy, equipment, you name it and we will know, we can get through this. God is preparin us for what is to come. It is so funny because it was suggested a while back that I come on the blog and share that MONEY was the main issue with why Jeremiah was not already home. I thought of it and said to myself I dont really want to share to much about that, I have already been critiqued for fundriaising to begin with, for adoptin a severely disabled child to begin with, I have been told I should not even attempt it unless I had all the money in the bank, and my thought is, I dont have the money, but boy do I have the love and the medical insurance that child needs. So many walked away from Jeremiah's file, he was not wanted, but oh I so want him. So I worried, if I share, what will folks think of me! Well, now there you have it, false pride. WHO CARES what anyone thinks of me! It is NOT about me. It is about my frogie boy, MY SON! HE NEEDS me to do WHATEVER it takes to bring him home. So if that means I share things that are uncomfortable, then I share. If that means I flat out get on my knees and BEG for help, I BEG! I dont have the needed money. But there are folks who have money and can help and God knows who they are and maybe by my sharing, my begging, the right person will hear and God will lay it on that persons heart to give, or to share , or to hold a fundraiser for us, or ask their Church to take a love offering or whatever! GOD IS ABLE! He can use anybody. THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME vent and share my heart in this. I PRAY you dont think bad of me, but if you do, that's ok, just please THINK GOOD of Jeremiah, and spread the word and HELP ME BRING MY FROGIE BOY HOME!