Not flesh of my flesh, nor bone of my bone; but, still miraculously, my own.
Never forget, for a single minute you didn't grow under my heart, but in it.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Overwhelmed!


Overwhelmed, just got updated figures from the agency, we still ove $7, 577 PLUS airfare for us and the boys, hotel, in country travel, food in country, and Jeremiah's visa! That is probably more than $5000 on its own. so we need probably at least $13,000 more and QUICK! It seems so far out of reach but I have to believe GOD IS ABLE! Waiting for HIM to show off! I HATE that money is the thing separating Jeremiah from his family, his home, medical care and therapies he so needs. I feel so like I have let him down, I mean it was hard fundraising for Noah but NOTHING compared to this time. So many things seem to just not be working and it really does not matter how hard we work, or anything. It just makes me cry that because the economy is bad, my frogie boy waits longer. When I think that he has already been there FIVE MONTHS longer than Noah was. Noah was 16 and half months when we picked him up, Jeremiah is 21 and half months now. And the wait is not over. I HATE MONEY! I mean look how much it is costing Taiwan to care for Jeremiah, wish there was a way they could let us go ahead and get him and figure out the money later, but I know that can't happen. When I looked at the breakdown today of all the U.S places that have to authenticate this thing and that, and how much they get for it and I know that folks need to get paid, but all I see is my baby boy and how many days of therapy he is missing, how many days of me workin his muscles, how many days of bein worked with by me, his daddy, his Nanny, his big sister, millie and on and on the people waiting to love on and work with that baby. I KNOW the Nannies love him and do the best they can, but I also know how much better it will be for him to have more people who can focus on him and his needs. Yes, I know none of that matters when it comes to fees and all, but it seems like so much of adoption journey is paperwork and fees and raising this and that to pay all these things that sometimes I think Jeremiah gets lost in the shuffle, by others , not by me. And most likely not by you who faitfully follow our journey here and pray and keep me uplifted and love me from afar, but by others. I look at Noah and how much he can do now, what an amazin transformation that has happened for him and I wonder what he was like durin the wait. Waiting is HARD. No matter how you look at it, havin a baby across the ocean is HARD. The fact he has needs so much more so than alot of babies just makes it harder and by that it is makes me feel that much more upset when I make a mistake and a fundraiser flops and we loose over $300 like the last one, or when I try this or that and it does not help. BUT, I know that we will spend our lives fighting for Jeremiah to have what he needs, he can't fight for himself now, he may never be able to fight for himself, but by gosh we will fight and we will remember how we got our practice while he waited a world away. We will fight insurance for the best medicine, therapy, equipment, you name it and we will know, we can get through this. God is preparin us for what is to come. It is so funny because it was suggested a while back that I come on the blog and share that MONEY was the main issue with why Jeremiah was not already home. I thought of it and said to myself I dont really want to share to much about that, I have already been critiqued for fundriaising to begin with, for adoptin a severely disabled child to begin with, I have been told I should not even attempt it unless I had all the money in the bank, and my thought is, I dont have the money, but boy do I have the love and the medical insurance that child needs. So many walked away from Jeremiah's file, he was not wanted, but oh I so want him. So I worried, if I share, what will folks think of me! Well, now there you have it, false pride. WHO CARES what anyone thinks of me! It is NOT about me. It is about my frogie boy, MY SON! HE NEEDS me to do WHATEVER it takes to bring him home. So if that means I share things that are uncomfortable, then I share. If that means I flat out get on my knees and BEG for help, I BEG! I dont have the needed money. But there are folks who have money and can help and God knows who they are and maybe by my sharing, my begging, the right person will hear and God will lay it on that persons heart to give, or to share , or to hold a fundraiser for us, or ask their Church to take a love offering or whatever! GOD IS ABLE! He can use anybody. THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME vent and share my heart in this. I PRAY you dont think bad of me, but if you do, that's ok, just please THINK GOOD of Jeremiah, and spread the word and HELP ME BRING MY FROGIE BOY HOME!







11 comments:

The Family K. said...

Tami,

I really appreciate your honesty in sharing your struggles to bring Jeremiah home. It angers me to think of people who would dare criticize you for wanting to adopt him or for fundraising to do so. They dont' GET it. And certainly, they don't have half the heart that you do. I wish things were so much easier this time around for you. I really do. At the same time, our God is bigger than our limitations and like you've said, he owns the cattle on a thousand hills. You'll continue to be on my mind and in my prayers.

lorabelle said...

You my dear have more spunk than I thought you did! If you are feeling overwhelmed and need to get it out, then just go ahead and lay it out there.
It is hard to understand why there are so many obstacles this time around. You are a much more understanding and patient person than I will ever be and I admire your unshakable determination.
Your faith in your God is beautiful Tami.
I hope that anyone reading this who might have judged or thought differently at one time or another, takes a minute to look within themselves with an open mind and open heart to see the miracle this adoption. For surely others can see the need for Jeremiah to be out of the orphanage and home with a family who promises to love him and care for his needs...
Keeping you in my thoughts.

Natalie said...

Hang in there, Tami. I know it is discouraging. Fund raising is hard, and no fun at all, and it does seem like you have been working at this for a long time, but I really admire your resourcefulness and your persistence.

We will keep you in our prayers. Lean on the Lord.

momwithfaithandhope said...

Thank you for opening your heart and your life with us. God is ABLE, and right there with ya waitin' for Him to show off! Praying that you are able to raise the money needed to bring home your froggie boy. Your love for him is so apparent, so unconditional, and it will be what carries you through the struggles. (Second to God of course!)

Brooke said...

How many times did I say "AMEN" to your post? Like 9 million. God miraculously brought me $24,000 to get Nisha home(A special needs child), when I had less than $5 bucks in my bank accounts at the end of each month. Believe you me, there were naysayers- and there still are ;) However, you continue on in what God has called you to do, and believe for a miracle! If God can do it for me, He can do it for you. Be encouraged. I will continue to pray and you get results! Be blessed.

Expecting Good Things said...

Oh Tami!! I'm so sorry you're having a rough time. That just sucks. It SHOULD be easier and less expensive. You are definetely in my thoughts. I pray things get easier. Things WILL work out. Keep the faith girl!
Holli

Mom to 9 Blessings! said...

GOD IS ABLE!

Keep believing that with all you have.

Praying with you as you wait upon the LORD!

Blessings and grace,
Jill

Becky said...

Tami,
Is there an e-mail where I can contact you? My mother and I would like have a fundraiser for Jeremiah through our on line buisiness and I would love to chat with you about our idea.
Thanks
Becky
becky@sammyskatewear.com
www.charmingstation.com

Mei Mei s and Mayhem said...

Tami- Come by my blog I have a surprise for you!! :-)

www.ourpartyofseven.blogspot.com

Lisa said...

Tami,

I'm so sorry that this struggle has gone so far beyond what we all hoped for and anticipated when you first made your wondrous announcement about baby boy #2!

I am shocked that someone would disparage your loving spirit and giving Mama's heart by offering anything less than complete support and understanding. In so many ways that baffles me........

But looking here today at the MANY supportive comments and the prayers I KNOW are sent daily, I do believe that most of us understand & champion your decision to welcome this latest blessing home.

I wish the hurdles would vanish....I wish you already had him in your arms.

Keep fighting dear lady ~ I like your moxie! :)

P.S. :) The baby blue coat you admired came from Babies R' Us....but I bought it last year on clearance and just hoped the size would work! LOL Its roomy, but I just love it too....so hard to find sweet things for toddler boys sometimes! Thanks for the kind comment & for stopping by!

P.S.S. If I thought it would work for one of your boys next year, I'd tuck in the mail for ya this Spring! Its a 24 mos size ~ but seems roomier!

Amy said...

Praying for you family. I know how hard the money thing is. But I know God is using you- using your willingness and your example as a lesson to others. I am going through this is not easy though non the less. I haven't read through your entire blog but have you applied for grants? Have you tried Lifesong? Praying for you! Love, Amy

THE WAIT FOR NOAH IS OVER!!!! November 3, 2007~September 8, 2008 First heard about Noah~Noah in our Arms!
AND NOW THE WAIT FOR JEREMIAH IS OVER TOO!!!
April 1, 2009~ June 7, 2010 First committed to Jeremiah~Jeremiah in our Arms!

The FIRST Picture we EVER saw!

The FIRST Picture we EVER saw!
Noah WesLee 5 months old

The First Picture we ever saw of:

The First Picture  we ever saw of:
Jeremiah Harold Sisemore ~1 year


Kisses in the Wind

KISSES IN THE WIND
I hold you in my heart and touch you in my dreams.
You are here each day with me, at least that's how it seems.

I know you wonder where we are... what's taking us so long.
But remember child, I love you so and God will keep you strong.

Now go outside and feel the breeze and let it touch your skin...Because tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God hold you in His hand until I can be with you.
I promise you, my darling, I'm doing all that I can do.

Very soon, you'll have a family for real, not just pretend.But for tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.


May God wrap you in His arms and hold you very tight.
And let the angels bring the kisses that I sent to you each night.


When Love Takes You In!