Not flesh of my flesh, nor bone of my bone; but, still miraculously, my own.
Never forget, for a single minute you didn't grow under my heart, but in it.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

If anyone still cares...

Hi all,

I titled this if anyone still cares because well for one, even when I post I don't seem to get as many comments as I use to get, and two because I have been kinda away awhile and so not sure anyone is even coming to check the blog or not nowadays.  I never posted about our thanksgiving or anything.  I can't say completely why I have not been posting.  There was a time I thought of getting her first to share my feelings and our lives, here lately, for some reason I guess I feel like if I dont post I dont have to feel it all maybe?  not sure.  Don't get me wrong, I love my family, my children, and our life is overall wonderful but I have been kinda down and I am sure alot of that is exhaustion and alot of it is "THE PROGNOSIS"!  I TRY very hard most of the time NOT to think about that my son supposedly has a prognosis of none for survivial.  But there are days I dont do a good job of it.  I dont want to live every day as if he is dying, but at the same time I dont want to waste anything either.  I want to go on trips and take him to experience everything I can while he is here to do it, but then finances block that and I think that causes some of the down.  Also, the fact that at times my sweet angel boy does NOT respond, he can't call me momma, sometimes he doesn't snuggle in or even act like he knows I am here, and it bothers me WAY more emotionally than I thought it would and then I feel guilty! If Jeremiah never smiled, never responded, never anything he still deserves love and a family and interaction and for me to do every single thing I can for him.  I guess in a way I fear if I share too much on here that people will think I dont love my sons or my life and that is so far from the truth.  I love them so much it hurts!  and I so ache for the things that Jeremiah misses out on and for things that are hard for Noah.  When they hurt I hurt.  I battle doctors, insurance, etc to get them the very best and I get so upset.  I battle people in my life who want to know where there REAL mother is.  What more do I have to do to be there REAL mother, so they did not grow IN my body for 9 months, but they grew IN MY HEART, my MIND, my SOUL for 10 and half months for Noah and 14 and half months for Jeremiah!  I worked my but off to do what I had to do and made myself get on planes that made me physically sick and petrefied beyond imagination for MANY hours!  all of htat was before they were home but I am not real.  how odd :(  Plus I am the one up with them for days on end and holding them, feeding them, staying 24/7 in icu with them.  Ok, Ill hush, had no intention to get on here and say 90 percent of what I have.  Guess I am upset about some things I did not realize it.  Anyway now on to pics that if your here reading you probably want to see that more than listen to me blab anyway.  If you are here and IF you read all this , thank you ...



Jeremiah on his space blanket havin some tummy time!  He is getting stronger :)  Look at him holdin himself up!

Thanksgiving evening Watching the Saints play the cowboys!  A house divided.  Daddy loves Cowboys and Celeste Saints and mommy tries to be switzerland!  LOL  Bobby likes the saints too UNLESS they play dallas.  Well Thankgiving they played each othere.  one boy for each team :)

Noah helping me make cocoa pecan pie!  He had a BLAST! and we both were covered in flour.


He ADORED the parade and was soo excited that it was coming on.  Just the preview had him jumpin up and down with excitement

I actually HATE this picture cuz I am SOO BIG, BUT because I keep praying to someday afford to turn the blog into a book and my family loves the picture and I had no clue they even took it I put it in.  We were heading to the table after I was done cooking and all and I was carrying Jeremiah and became overwhelmed that he was with us, HE WAS HOME, and HE WAS still alive for his FIRST thankgiving!  In June, it didnt look like he would make it home from PICU at all or every experience life in a family much less holidays.  So as we are in the Thankgiving and now Christmas Season I am VERY emotional and THANKFUL that he is here!  I am not promised anything when it comes to Jeremiah.  IF you are reading this and you are a mommy, do me a favor...STOP and go hug your kids and give thanks to God they are here, because we are really none of us promised tomorow.

Adore this shot!  LOVE that daddy is home!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING JEREMIAH!

he was not in a smiely mood!  don't you LOVE the hat?? :)

This is Jeremiah sitting in front of the tv listening to the parade!  He seemed to enjoy all the sounds of it! :)

Tasting his FIRST turkey, dressing and gravy, blended in the blender.  I SOO need a food processor.  The blender was hard to make it work.  He is eating little bites each day, so I was determined his bites that day would be turkey and dressing :)

IF you are here and your read and you still care, THANK YOU!  I send you kisses in the wind! 

29 comments:

Junior said...

Beautiful pictures, Jeremiah's hat is adorable. I think we all go through down times. Lots of hugs and prayers that things will start looking up.

Angela said...

TamiJoy, Jeremiah looks GREAT. Chin up, stay strong, your Boy will surprise you with his will to live and all that he can accomplish despite his diagnosis and "prognosis". Take everything the doctors tell you with a grain of salt and the faith of a mustard seed. My Chrissy will be 10 YEARS OLD the day after Christmas! Jeremiah will be here as long as God wants him to be here. I doesn't really matter what the doctors think!! Love, Angela

"Are These Kids All Yours?" said...

I am here :) I love seeing your sweeties!!!! Know that your precious gifts mean the world!!! Only the world thinks the prognosis means you shouldn't have hope- BUT GOD!!!!!! GOD SAYS- HOPE!!!!!!!! I say HOPE!!!!! Praying for you!

lorabelle said...

Wow those boys are growing. J might not have been in a smiley mood, but he looks great and Noah cracks me up with his so knowingly grins!

Sorry that this is such an emotional time right now with everything going on...I will keep ya in my thoughts.

Kat said...

I love you sharing your mommy heart. I think the reality of you showing yourself helps people to understand, not only what your going through, but also to have compassion for others who may be going through it. The boys look beautiful.

Also, I think I May have a small food processor that you can have. We bought it from close friends new/used, but since we haven't opened it yet, I think you can use it more than we can. I'm not sure how well it works, but if it would help. Just FB me and I'll try to send it soon.

HUGS!!!!

Linnea said...

I get what you are saying not in the same way. Our son just has Trisomy 8.

It must be the season less sun, more depression but we cant say a a word because we are adoptive mothers and people may get the wrong idea. But people dont have empathy in this world. They also are careless in their choice of words. I am my sons real mother, I am not made of plastic or wood. I am real. I also have down days and think omgosh what have I done but please give me one mothers name who does not and Ill bet she hasnt been a mom very long :)

Insurance companies, incompetent medical supply companies, dumb nurses and ignorant doctors. Thats all in a morning. Trips to the hospital weekly and lots of bills.

This is the life we live. But we can not be anything less than sunshine and roses for fear of crazy ignorant people. For fear someone will think we love our kids less or will tell us bc we have these feelings we can not ever adopt again.

This is what is wrong with the world! More people need to know the truth and then maybe there would be less adoption disruptions!

HUgs Tammy, think I am going to repost this on my blog, guess I was a bit more upset than I thought too.

Be blessed
Ashlee
http://ourjourneytoadoption.beckfamily143.com/

Tonya said...

Great pics and heartfelt words....the boys are fortunate to have you as thier real mom!! What a blessing for them!

Denise said...

Tami,
Big hugs to you!I get these feelings alot with our Jaxson.The battles for the best care the insurance woes and the spells of being upset feeling my son is not getting the best care he deserves .Jeremiah looks wonderful and is growing.Your love is showing through with him.You are their REAL MOM and a really great Real Mom.

AmyMei'sRealMama said...

TamiJoy, Before we moved from Iowa to NC, I worked in a health facility for children w/ disabilities. I cared for one boy I remember well who was similar to J. He was a teenager! Drs. didn't know how he was still alive, but he was certainly ALIVE. Just keep praying and loving on your boy, and keep letting us know when you're down, so we can support and pray for you, a REAL mama, and your blessed family.

Room for More said...

Tami, since I am not on FB I always check for your updates. I think of you often and know you have your hands happily full with loving your boys & husband & Celeste : ) I am DEFINITELY here. Thank you for always sharing your heart. I loved each and every picture. Such wonderful memories!

Mel said...

oh don't be silly, of course we still care.
i, too experienced comment highs and then comment lows; usually got a lot of comments from excited people right around adoptions or pregnancy, and then the least ones when things and life was going "average" or "normal".

but then i need to remind myself, that i write this blog for me and my family to read later on in life. it's like my digital scrapbook, lol.

your Thanksgiving dinner looks YUMMIE!

now keep on posting again, you know you have plenty of readers out there that care :-)

God bless,
mel

The Hernandez Herd said...

I care!www.hernandezherd.blogspot.com
Hang in there. Victoria

Grace said...

I'm still here, I still care :) I'm sorry that things are rough but Jeremiah is so blessed to have you be his REAL Momma!

Grace
http://www.silvamoose.com

Lisa said...

((hugs))

Take heart sweet bloggy friend; I think all comments are down on most blogs....a by product of the Holiday season "me" thinks!! :)

But that doesn't mean we are not peeking in or thinking of you!!

Hugs!

Lisa
www.destination-taiwan.blogspot.com

Amy L said...

Hi Tami,
Love the pictures of yur precious boys! I read your blog all the time but I am so busy with work and the boys.....I don't get much time to comment.:(
Don't ever think that you and your boys are not loved and prayed for. You are in my prayers! And we all have HOPE for Jeremiah!
(((HUGS)))
Amy

Learning Together at Home said...

I'm still here. I am terrible at commenting, but I read and I pray and I REALLY love your updates. Merry Christmas Tami Joy. And thank you for showing us all another picture of Jesus in your family.

Shea said...

Love the pics, and waiting through time for God to show off and prove that Jeremiah has a long prognosis. He is lucky to have you!!! And of course, you know that having him is going to help your faith grow even more

Ruth said...

Hi Tami - I am still here checking your blog and following you on FB. Chin up, sweetie. I'm sure the stress of the holidays is getting to you, like it does all of us. Looks like you had a wonderful Thanksgiving & I wish you all the best for a wonderful Christmas of all!

Stephanie said...

I still care!! And I'm sorry for your frustration and exhaustion. You're doing God's work, Tami, in caring for your little fellows. It's not always easy...but you're doing the very best you can, and you're doing a great job!

Allyria said...

I care. I'm sorry you are feeling down. We have had a really rough season here too (our issue is RAD, not medical). It is such a hard place to be! Someone said we aren't allowed to complain (perception based on how others receive us), and it is true. We love our kids, we fought hard to get them in a lot of ways, but we are just as entitled as any one else ot feel depressed, sad, anxious, or scared over diagnoses that are hard. Lifting you up. <3
love, Shannon

Jewels of My Heart said...

Your family is beautiful... Thanking Jesus that your boys are home with their REAL mama! I get it too, sometimes in front of my children and it breaks my heart and makes me angry. I am the Mom Jesus chose for my children. He chose them for me and me for them before the beginning of time... He always knew... and we do too.
Will be praying for a miracle from the Lord for your Jeremiah. So thankful he is in the loving arms of his family!
God's blessings, and Merry Christmas,
Daleea

Mrs. Mark Arni said...

Yes, I'm still here, TamiJoy! I don't get by very often, but I do enjoy your updates. He who has begun a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus!!! His Word says so. :-)

shawnpeebles said...

Love you sweetie!Hold on and keep your eyes on Jesus!God made YOU their mamma..and you are real!I too hate the coment "real mom" whatever does that mean..Okay I know what they are asking...but it is a pretty private issue and not one to be discused with just anyone.Remember LORD OF ALL my dear..hand it all up to your Heavenly Father.God has a plan for sweet little Jeremiah !!love Rona

shawnpeebles said...

Love you sweetie!Hold on and keep your eyes on Jesus!God made YOU their mamma..and you are real!I too hate the coment "real mom" whatever does that mean..Okay I know what they are asking...but it is a pretty private issue and not one to be discused with just anyone.Remember LORD OF ALL my dear..hand it all up to your Heavenly Father.God has a plan for sweet little Jeremiah !!love Rona

shawnpeebles said...

Love you sweetie!Hold on and keep your eyes on Jesus!God made YOU their mamma..and you are real!I too hate the coment "real mom" whatever does that mean..Okay I know what they are asking...but it is a pretty private issue and not one to be discused with just anyone.Remember LORD OF ALL my dear..hand it all up to your Heavenly Father.God has a plan for sweet little Jeremiah !!love Rona

Natalie said...

I am so glad you share the hard times as well as the good.
Blessings

June Berger said...

I still check your blog, probably not as often, I don't write on mine much either, lol. Facebook is just so much easier I guess, everyone in one place. But know, I am praying and you are all in my heart and mind. With much love and prayer, June

Cynthia said...

Don't let anyone tell you that you are not Jeremiah and Noah's mommy!! You are the one that is there for them. You are their mommy!!

TanyaLea said...

It's clear that SO many are still here for you, friend. Don't be so hard on yourself... the world is always working to bring us down, but with GOD, we have HOPE for a future...JEREMIAH has HOPE for a future!! God placed him in your life for a reason. You have a beautiful momma's heart... the heart that only a REAL momma has ...and I know you're boy feels that love and care that you give him. Remember that a prognosis isn't his destiny. Only God holds that. As Christians, we are in this world, but we are not of it. We have promises in the Word that we can take claim to ...that we are ENTITLED to as Children of the MOST HIGH KING! Know you are loved and that you remain in our thoughts and prayers.

And don't feel bad about not keeping up with the blogging. I'm the same way. I want to keep up with everyone so bad, but like you, FAMILY first!

Hang in there and enjoy a Merry Christmas with your little blessings. Praying the New Year is filled with more blessings that you can contain!! <><

Hugs,
Tanya

THE WAIT FOR NOAH IS OVER!!!! November 3, 2007~September 8, 2008 First heard about Noah~Noah in our Arms!
AND NOW THE WAIT FOR JEREMIAH IS OVER TOO!!!
April 1, 2009~ June 7, 2010 First committed to Jeremiah~Jeremiah in our Arms!

The FIRST Picture we EVER saw!

The FIRST Picture we EVER saw!
Noah WesLee 5 months old

The First Picture we ever saw of:

The First Picture  we ever saw of:
Jeremiah Harold Sisemore ~1 year


Kisses in the Wind

KISSES IN THE WIND
I hold you in my heart and touch you in my dreams.
You are here each day with me, at least that's how it seems.

I know you wonder where we are... what's taking us so long.
But remember child, I love you so and God will keep you strong.

Now go outside and feel the breeze and let it touch your skin...Because tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God hold you in His hand until I can be with you.
I promise you, my darling, I'm doing all that I can do.

Very soon, you'll have a family for real, not just pretend.But for tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.


May God wrap you in His arms and hold you very tight.
And let the angels bring the kisses that I sent to you each night.


When Love Takes You In!