Hallelujah Night 2010

Just sharing a bit of our Hallelujah Night this year!  We THOUGHT we were going to a festival at a friends Church.  Got there and not a soul was there.  Somehow wires got crossed and I have no clue how or why and was in tears.  So then I had 3 characters in my van in search of a festival for Hallelujah Night!  LOL  We thought we had heard about a Church down the road having one and so we went there and sure enough they were.  It was odd going where we knew nobody but our Church was not having anything other than a night of prayer for the election.  Anyway, Noah had a blast :)  I tried to include Jeremiah in some of the things when he was not too agitated to try.  I ended up crying a few times feeling like he was left out of what was going on an dnot sure how to incorporate him.  At the point of that night I was towards the end of a 60 hour strecth of only 3 hours sleep.  I have had a bit more now, though not alot.  Last night was better but still not great.  PRAYING tonight will be much better.  Anyway , here are some pics for yall

Nannie Beth Always wants to see them in Costume so a visit was in order after the festival! :)

Happy Fall all!  I am so looking forward to Thanksgiving!

Please keep our family in prayer for several unspoken requests and me personally with dealing with feelings and fear of trusting and opening up now. 

ONE LESS...

Thanking God I am blessed enought to be the mom of two former orphans! Twice I got to know that feeling of holding a child that was one less!  My dear friend shonette made this in hopes it would be shown at her Church this Sunday on Orphan Sunday...

Please Lord not yet...to Hallelujah!

Let me preface this with saying I have been awake for 38 plus hours at this point so if this post does not make sense you know why!

Jeremiah has not been feeling up to par and on Friday the home health nurse said he sounded "junky" in his chest and suggested we start back up with some breathing treatments.  He started running a low fever and all and then yesterday evening his fever went up to 102.1 and I gave him the prescription motrin.. 30 minutes later, temp still the same,  at 2  hours after motrin it finally went down to 101.  then at 4 hours I gave motrin again and instead of going down it went UP.  Then we got it down  a bit again and so it was a battle on and off and he was feeling so yucky.  Well, as the night progressed things got worse and at 1:30 am it was 101.6 and he was crying on and off and just sounding yucky. at 2:10 am after motrin and measures to reduce fever it went up over 103 AFTER measures to reduce it, and he was actiing like he acted the night things went REALLY bad at the hospital when the sepsis was so massive.  So we determined that he needed to go to ER.  I am getting him ready to go and I just emotionally lost it.  I had thought I was doing so well with his prognosis of "none" and with having FAITH and not believing it and all but when I saw him like that again and this FEAR welled up in me and I am holding him and crying and begging God saying PLEASE LORD NOT YET!  I am so NOT ready for the worst to happen.  Will I ever be?  HOW can I ever be?  I thought I was having faith and had gotten to the point that I could live without the fear of it but it was a petrfying evening.  We took Jeremiah to the hospital and they did xrays and said his lungs look good, no pneumonia or effusions this time.  He has a bacterial respiratory infection. He is just really fragile so when he is sick it is just going to be more extreme than with others.  A small cold that might be a nusance for a baby is gonna be HUGE for Jeremiah and being sick at all is dangerous.  Blessedly we were not admitted and were able to come home and he is on antibiotics and such.  He is still running fever and we are having to keep the motrin going but it has not gotten up to the 103 again, Thank God!  I am still feeling very shaky with how the FEAR that THIS WAS IT made me feel.  I am cryin now as I write this.  I dont' know want to believe that it is goin to happen.  I want a miracle and I KNOW God is ABLE to give that miracle, but I also know that there is no way to know what will happen. 

So as we have gone through the day and tonight being Hallelujah Night and and all I battled in my mind what to do about going to a Church festival thing that we were invited too.  I mean Jeremiah is sick and all, but I keep thinking about so many things, WHAT IF this is the only one he has.  I HATE thinking like that but it is a reality for me.  I want to make the most of every single minute of life for Jeremiah and for tha tmatter for us all because really none of us is promised tomorow.  So we finally determined that Jeremiah was protected with antibiotics and was going to be in his chair or our arms the entire time and not really around anyone else in case if he is contagious or touching very much or anything so we decided to give it a go.  So we went and drove 2 towns over to go to the Church we were invited too and there was not a soul there!  No sign of even activity to get ready for later in case I had the time wrong or something. I mean nothing. :( Not sure how thishappend but here we were with 3 characters in the back seat ready for a fun night and NOTHING was happening.  I CRIED!  So then we are in search of a party to crash, lol. I was deteremined, again thinking WHAT IF this is the only year, and so we found one a a Church down the road from our house and we went.  NOAH had a total blast, he loved it, ate his supper well, played the games and decided he loved this getting candy thing!  He is soo big on candy!  TOO BIG on it.  He will decide at some point during the day he wants candy and have a hissy for it.  I dont give in but he still has a fit over and over.  So for a good while now there is candy available and we will have fits I am sure when we  ant eat it 24/7.  Anyway overall it was a good festival but I cried so much.  I had such a hard time trying to figure out how to include Jeremiah in everything.  Some ofthe games we did with him, helping his hands throw a football toss, etc.  but some places we couldnt get him in with his chair, and some even when I picked him up to try and do it, It was difficult to hold him up and then try and force his hands to do what they needed to and such.  It was just a very emotional time for me feeling like he is on the oustide looking in, excpet he is really listening in because he can't see it really.  I have to come up with more and more ways to give him joy and experiences where he is much more included.


I am exhausted this night and I am sad about things my Jeremiah will miss out on in life, but oh so thankful to the LORD that is was NOT YET for him this time.  PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE be praying that it will be NOT YET for a LONG LONG LONG time to come!  I so want him to be a middle age adult proving them all wrong and telling them to GOD be the Glory, great things HE hath done!  Please pray for my heart to hold onto that dream in FAITH and NOT live in fear.   I am sick at my stomach still with those feelings that rose up when he was looking so sick. 

I pray you all enjoyed this night with your families and all.  We choose to call it Hallelujah Night as we want to give God the night back, when in so many times it is a night for evil.  Sadly now adays evil folks dont need halloween to be evil really.  But in my Hallelujah night tonight I do give a shout of Hallelujah out to God for the fact ath my Jeremiah is ALIVE and able to snuggle with me!  It is a miracle we ever were abl to comeple the adoption and go get him, it is a miracle he lived at  birth and that he lived long enough to wait in Taiwan for us, it is a miracle to that he lived through the first 31 days in America in the intensive care and it is a miracle to shout Hallelujah to God that the Lord heard my cry of not yet and allowed my baby boy to be getting better!

I will post some pictures of all the activities of hte past few days soon, but I am exhausted afte rour night in ER and all and no sleep and I need to go to bed.

thanks for letting me vent, please dont think bad of me guys for being scared, and please help hold me up when I think I am gonna fall under the weight of all this that is hitting me emotionally.  PLEASE keep my baby boy in prayer.

I send you all kisses in the wind.  Goodnight

For the Record...The Sweetest Word...Pumpkin Patch

For the Record:

So, I recently had a very emotionally devastating experience.  I posted my Wednesday's Child picture of an orphan in need of a family on my facebook just like I did here on the blog.  A lady in my playgroup commented on the picture about taking care of our own in America first and through comments back and forth between her, I and several others, things took a nasty turn and she said some really cruel and ugly things about me.  Then a couple folks came to my defence and then a couple folks said it was best to delete that whole thread of comments so I did, and then the attack (this is how it felt and how I took it) on my by this lady in my playgroup continued on private message.  I was bawling literally all night long.  I have unfriended her on my facebook.  This lady claimes that she is not the only person in playgroup who thinks these things and that everyone is talking about me.  I did consider leaving the playgroup over this but I did email one lady I am closest to in the group and she says she has heard no talk.  I did not tell her who it was just what was said and all.  She said if I leave then this person cruel and immature behavior wins.  The lady who was responsible works so she is only at night and weekend activites, so for now anyway I will stay in playgroup and just not do nights and weekends for  now.  Unless I hear more from others.  Just gonna see how it goes.  I must say I am paranoid now about what are others really thinking, what are people saying, etc. So just in case some of this may be on anyone reading my blogs mind....

For the record..I did NOT adopt Noah and Jeremiah to get a check from the government!  I could not convince this woman of that.  She is convinced I do not love my kids and I only got them to draw a check.  I am thinking that is really wild since NEITHER BOY GETS A RED CENT from the governement!  (NOT that there is anything wrong with a family adopting a special needs child and that child getting disability.  If they gave birth to that cihld and it was disabled it would get a check, so I dont have a problem with folks who do, but to be accused of not loving my children and only adopting them to get a check is crazy!  I love these boys more than life itself and to be accused of that was devastating for me!  If any of you reading are wondering WHY we adopted our boys...LOVE!  that is it!  NOT to get money,not for any other weird reason.  We fell in love with them.  If there was any selfish motive at all before Noah it was just that I wanted a baby and so we sought out adoption.  If that is selfish then I guess I am.  But once I began to learn more and more my heart was and is so touched by orphans!  The day I laid eyes on Noah's photo I was in LOVE, the same with Jeremiah!  I was accused of calling Noah a Retard!  For the record I have never and would never do that.  I could go on and on of the things this woman said she and supposedly multiple folks in our playgroup say about me but I am already bawling my eyes out just posting this much.  IF you are someone who has questions about us, about our kids, about do we get checks (NO), do we get food stamps (NO), do we get medicaid ( NO on NOAH, YES on Jeremiah (BUT WE PAY FOR IT, we BUY secondary medicaid to help with his copays because he is so severe, would not qualify if not for that, not that there is anything wrong with taking medicaid but just setting the record straight) do we get WIC (NO on NOAH, YES on Jeremiah because we were required to by Medicaid to help with the prescription formula).  Any questions you have ask and I will do my best to answer.  The thought of folks talking about me behind my back and thinking bad about us kills me.  YES, during our adoption we fundraised and out right begged for help because our son was in DIRE need to get home quickly and we did not have the adoption funds.  If you think bad about us for that, then I can't help it but nobody else was wanting Jeremiah and we despretly wanted to love him and are doing just that!  Please pray for my heart as it feels trambled upon, pray for wisdom in what to do, pray that the "others" that are talking in playgroup will stop and will not mistreat me or anyone else and pray that I can be smart and just stop trusting anyone at face value. 

The Sweetest Word:
So the other day I am trying to get some things done, my mom is in the living room where I am trying to do this and the boys of course and Noah is saying "Mama this, mama that, over and over wanting one thing or another all the while I am trying to get things done and keep stopping to talk to him and do what I can that he needs or whatever and my mom says to me " YOU NEED TO CHANGE YOUR NAME"!  LOL  and she was sorta kidding but basically her reasoning was that he keeps calling me.  But that is just it!  HE IS CALLING ME MAMA!  I remember crying and crying at the begining fearing I would never hear the word Mama at Noah's lips!  But now he says it ALL THE TIME!  My beautiful panda boy that was completely non verbal when we picked him up is FAR from non verbal now.  He is talking more and more each and every day.  He is definitly not speaking like an average 3 and half year old but he is so talking!  So hearing Mama is the sweetest word I hear!  Some of you remember Noah coming home, some of you knew he was thought possibly mute, some of you remember the tears and excitement when he said the first word, when he said mama for the first time.  Each day he says a new word , a new SENTENCE finally and on and on!  WOW!  It amazes me to watch him!  I was sad at the thought of never hearing him call me mama and cried about it but knew that I would be ok even if I never heard it, and I am so blessed I got too!  NOW, I am in that place with Jeremiah.  It is assumed that Jeremiah won't speak.  There is no way to know for sure as we are not God, and yes at times I get sad thinking I will never hear him call me mama and again its ok. Sometimes with him I think I would so much rather him be able to see and look into my eyes and know I am mama.  Something that shows me he knows me.  But even if I never get that my love for Jeremiah grows!  It amazes me how much I can love these boys!  It amazes me how excited I get with each tiny or HUGE acchomplishment they make!  Can't wait to share more and more with yall!

Pumpkin Patch:

Yesterday we took the boys to the pumpkin patch!  I guess we need to go sooner next year because there was very little ther this year so my dreams of pictures of Jeremiah and Noah in the middle of a bunch of pumpkins did not happen!  LOL  But we did get some pictures.  I am putting the montage I made in here and the ALMOST perfect picture :)  IF Noah would have just looked at the camera!  He is not into smiling on camera lately!  HOW can a 3 year old have so much attitude and be so difficult with pics??  self consious already?  or just stubborn and wanting to control what I want him to do?

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and here are a few for fun!  Noah is into picking out clothes and dressing himself and sometimes Jeremiah! LOL

Don't you just love the outfit! :)  LOL

Noah decided "Miah" needed to wear his hat and glasses!

cool dude!

so cute!

I close tonight with prayers my post is well received and does not sound wrong as I am still very upset and horrified by what happend with this lady.  She said those who know me in real life know the truth, funny I feel that some of my online friends have taken way more time to get to know me than folks I see regular.  I have a few folks in real life I am blessed to have and I am beyond blessed to have online friends!  I am blowing you all kisses in the wind!  Goodnight!

Wednesday's Child

So, I am feeling so led as of late to advocate for children in Asia where my heart feels such a pull for the orphans there.  And for Taiwan as my heart has such a connection there now that will always be there!  Each Wednesday I hope to focus on a waiting orphan in Taiwan that I find out about.  If you know of an orphan in Taiwan and can get me information I will focus on that child one week!  Even if you are not in a position or have no desire to adopt at this time, please look at the little faces I will post and please PRAY for the children to find a family!  Life with no family...is no life :( 

Today I will start with Little Ya Ling!  This little girl has stole my heart.  IF we had the funds, and IF we were ready to go back right now I would SOOOO get her.  Part of me wants to put her aside for me, but I know this sweet angel needs a family NOW!!! 

Isn't she the cutest little thing!!!! :)

Ya Ling is a 4.5-year-old girl with an eager, happy personality. She was born on July 26, 2005 and suffers from mild to moderate delays in cognitive ability, verbal understanding and language expression. She has been offered an individual education plan (IEP) with emphasis on cognitive skills, verbal skills, and oral expression training and is responding well. Ya Ling is currently in foster care, after being found alone by the roadside. It is clear that her grandmother loved her, but she was unable to provide good care due to her age and limited support system. Ya Ling has been in a few different placements along the way.

She is with Heartsent Adoptions.  They hope she can find her permanent, loving home so that she can continue to receive the services she needs, and begin to flourish with her new family! If you are interested in learning more about this cute little girl, please contact HEARTSENT ADOPTIONS at (925) 254-8883 as they have quite a lot of information about Ya Ling, and are eager to place her while she is still young.

Sitting, holding, and sweetness

So Jeremiah sat up in therapy today for a FULL MINUTE!  THIS IS HUGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  NO, I do not have a picture, we were too busy freaking out and watching the clock to get a picture or anything! LOL

he also held a rattle today! :)  She put it in his hand and he held on to it after she let go.  THAT is HUGE as well! :)

standing in the stander and getting a massage :)  LOL

doesn't he look HUGE!!!!!!!!!!  I don't know how tall he is but he seems to be growing like a weed!!!!

Noah connecting the seatbelt in Jeremiah's chair.  He is ALWAYS latching things.  I get ready to put Miah in something and go down to move strap and YUP its latched, so one handed I am trying to undo it!  LOL  happens in swing, rocker, etc! Noah has been here!

This is Jeremiah on his space blanket!  It was recommended by another mom of a baby with severe brain loss like Jeremiah's.  She said it encouraged her son to move :)  I would say so.  Jeremiah scoots on his back all over the living room :)  LOL  Here he is trying to go into Noah's little graden it appears! LOL

Noah pointing at his puppy shirt!  He loves dogs and this shirt!  He is getting sooo big :)  Size 2T jeans and the shirt is a 24 month! :)  I still can't believe I have a 3 and half year old! WHERE did baby Noah go :(

Please pray for us for some sleep! Lat night Jeremiah was up every 10 to 20 minutes crying.  So, I am sad to admit, mommy was crying too :(  I am soo exhausted!  Also please continue to keep us in prayer about our Church situation.  We are visitng a church and have really felt the Lord speaking to us. I am realizing more and more that I have alot more healing to do.  Well, not long to post as my sweet boys are needing me!

PRAYING for my friend as she leaves for Taiwan to get a little more sweetness in her life! :)

I send you all kisses in th wind!

fire station fun

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