Not flesh of my flesh, nor bone of my bone; but, still miraculously, my own.
Never forget, for a single minute you didn't grow under my heart, but in it.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Need to talk

I am bawling as I type.  Today MY dog Bella left this earth.  I am not handling it well.  Been a very emotional day.  Trying to be as normal as possible with Noah and all so we are watching Little House on the Prairie and it is the episode where there baby son dies.  NOT a good show for me to see.  My heart is breaking watching the grief and for some scary reason all I can think of is how would I survive if it was Jeremiah and then I remember that according to the Neuro it is going to be Jeremiah. :(  I soo want to hold on to faith and to beleive that He is going to outlive any expectations they have for him and for that matter us.  A parent is suppose to go before the children.  and I know GOD is bigger than prognosis, but for some reason today it is REALLY getting to me and this FEAR is creeping in big time and sadness.  Great sadness. and then fear of not being strong enough to survive loosing him and what will happen to the rest of the family and just crazy thoughts.  I dont want to go crazy, I dont want to loose my baby and I want to believe the Neuro is beyond wrong and there is nothing to say that he is right at this point.  Jeremiah is doing well, did much better with the mycoplasma pneumonia than they ever thought he would.   He has made it through things nobody would believe he would make it through.  SO WHY AM I FEELING LIKE THIS :(  UGGGH anyway just needed to get this out.  Some days it is so hard living with a death sentence for your baby hanging over your head.  BUT I HAVE TO SPEAK LIFE!  LIFE LIFE LIFE!

For those who don't remember.  Here is a picture of my Bella:

And here is a shot of my sweet boys!  Noah was using his play cell phone and trying to take a picture of him and Jeremiah! lol


Junior said...

so sorry to hear about your puppy. Losing a pet can be devastating.

We were given that same prognosis with Junior. He won't live long. The longest he would possibly live is 6. My sweet 12 year old has many struggles but is doing great and loving life. The doctors can only guess at what the future holds for your child. hugs and prayers

Future Mama said...

I am so so so sorry to hear about your dog. We lost one of our dear kitties last summer and I bawled and bawled too, so you are not alone! I will be praying for all the things you wrote about in this post :-(

Much love,
Future Mama

lorabelle said...

I'm sorry to hear about Bella. I know she was dear to your heart. I so dread the day when I have to say good-bye to our Belle. I can't even make myself go there to think about it. So please know that my thoughts are with you.
I can't it that you sat and watched a sad episode of Little house on the Prairie after that. Seriously Sweetie, sometimes you just have to switch up the routine and turn to a different station! It can't be good for you to put yourself through that, especially when it gets you to thinking about losing one of your own children. That is just too much all at once Tam...
I know that Jer condition is weighing heavy on you and I can't imagine the toll this takes on your heart and soul each day... So I pray that you gain strength through God to get you through this process. I think of you often and send wishes for happy days filled with joy and blissful moments of peace to lighten your heart and fill your soul with the love that you so easily give to others.
Please be gentle with yourself today.

Annie said...

Oh dear Tami. I am so sorry about your precious little dog. As you know, we lost our dear old dog a few weeks ago and it has been heartbreaking for our family.

These moments in life do make us think about our children and family members and I can see how that would make you especially sad knowing that you have been chosen to love and care for a little boy who was said to have limited possibilities.

But yes! Choose life! As Roman's 8 says, "the same power that raised Christ from the dead is alive in us today'. Alive in you, in me, AND in Jeremiah!

THE WAIT FOR NOAH IS OVER!!!! November 3, 2007~September 8, 2008 First heard about Noah~Noah in our Arms!
April 1, 2009~ June 7, 2010 First committed to Jeremiah~Jeremiah in our Arms!

The FIRST Picture we EVER saw!

The FIRST Picture we EVER saw!
Noah WesLee 5 months old

The First Picture we ever saw of:

The First Picture  we ever saw of:
Jeremiah Harold Sisemore ~1 year

Kisses in the Wind

I hold you in my heart and touch you in my dreams.
You are here each day with me, at least that's how it seems.

I know you wonder where we are... what's taking us so long.
But remember child, I love you so and God will keep you strong.

Now go outside and feel the breeze and let it touch your skin...Because tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God hold you in His hand until I can be with you.
I promise you, my darling, I'm doing all that I can do.

Very soon, you'll have a family for real, not just pretend.But for tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God wrap you in His arms and hold you very tight.
And let the angels bring the kisses that I sent to you each night.

When Love Takes You In!