Panda Boy is FOUR!

Well, I sit here now the mama of a FOUR YEAR OLD BOY!  WOW!  Where does the time go.  It seems ions since the day I first laid eyes on that amazing baby boy waiting in Taiwan for me! Little did I know then just how that sweet one would wrap himself around, inside, on top off, on bottom off and clean out through my heart!  Little did I know then it would take 10 and half months and I would watch some come after us for referral and come HOME while we waited.  Little did I know what life being a mama to a boy was gonna be like!  But oh how I love that boy!  I feel like a complete and utter failure at being his mom, the one he deserves, but I am doing all I can to be better and better!  It is funny because I worried before we even found Noah, back when we were still talkin about adoption and even when we thought we would have a birth baby before adopting, I worried HOW will I ever love another child as much as I love my baby girl Celeste!  I worried so hard.  And then I fell in love with a sweet Panda Boy waiting a world away for me in Taiwan.  How you may ask do you fall in love with a baby you have never touched, met, held, smelled, carried, rocked, bathed, etc.  Well, all I can tell you is YOU DO!  I will NEVER forget the day that I sat on the green couch and watched the screen door open and THERE HE WAS!  LIVE and in person!  I started beating on Bobby...THERE HE IS, ITS HIM BOBBBY!  and balling all the while!  I can't express the feelings that came over me in that moment and when he was placed in my arms the relief and the utter JOY of finally my SON is home in my arms where he belongs! He was my sweet baby boy who so needed me and clung to me.  Fast forward over 2 and half years later and we have a 4 year old boy!  Stil my baby boy, but 4 now!  And yes he still needs and clings to me but he is also starting to be semi ok with mama not right around.  He LOVES to go and that works well when we NEED him to go away from me.  For those who were around when Panda Boy came home you may remember he could not talk at all.  I remember through translation one of the nannies said she so hoped he was waiting till America to talk because he only wanted to learn one language.  :)  Well, she was right because he did finally start talking :)  I remember crying LORD please let him at least talk well enough for me to hear him say mama and then praying Lord if not then at please help me be ok with not hearing it.  Well, eventually he started babbling and I almost wrecked the car when he did! LOL  and now there are days I think what was I thinking!  LOL  not really but I have had days where I have to remind myself what a blessing it is he can talk constantly :)  And that he does.  He tries to say everything and at times it comes out rather funny :)  Some things we call Noahese!  LOL  but we pretty much all know what he is talking about.  Daily words are cleared than the day before. He loves books and to be read to and to look at them himself.  He is like me in that he adores music and really seems to feel it like I do.  He loves anything with wheels on it!  He is so very boy in the things he gravitates to overall but luckily for this mama so far nothing icky!  YET I fear!  He is very into stuffed animals now and has a minagerie he takes with him all over the house.  It started out with Buddy (his build a bear panda) and Elmo, wel then it grew to be Buddy, Elmo, George (a gorilla that was Celeste's ) and barney (the purple dinosaur that sings) and it has grown and grown.  When we get ready to go to bed he wants to take them all and we are like NOPE Buddy, Elmo George,barney and thats it. He will say it al like one word when he is fussy and wants them! LOL  It is so sweet.  He loves Barney on TV and still an Elmo fan and Big B!  lol what he calls big bird.  He loves The Wiggles and Donut Man!  It is my mission to get him all the Donut Man on DVD.  They have a 6 dvd set on ebay I really want and that would be 12 total episodes.  and then a few more in addition to that.  And also want to find more wiggles too.  He loves veggie talkes songs but is not too into the dvd's yet but will watch them a little.  He is realy where he will WATCH some tv which is cute and worrysome.  lol  He loves 19 kids and counting and will ask to watch "the duggars" :)  I have them on dvr and so he and I watch them alot.  He also loves The Waltons and Little House on the Prairie :)  all the old standbys :)  and he loves make room for Charlie on Disney.  we found that when living at the hospital with Jeremiah :)  and funny thing he will sit and wach Paula Dean cook! :)  lol  He can count to 10 and sometimes to 15.  He can match just about anything.  LOVES to match.  He lines up cars and trucks all over the house.  He can match colors and shapes but not too good at naming the shapes at all and only some colors.  Its funny how priorities change with your kids.  With Celeste I was hyper concerned about her counting, recognizing numbers, colors, shapes, ect at 18 months!  LOL  With Noah we have been more worried about learning to walk, talk, eat, not choke, sensory things etc.  so now I am really stepping up the focus on more preschool skills.  I mean we have always done stuff with him and talked about all those things but when you are just trying to help them learn to talk well enough to get their needs met the other stuff is just not as big a worry.  When he is 30 it wont matter if he knew his colors at 18 months or at 4.  I have bought the first of our official curriculum for the fall and am quite excited about that.  I want to be much less stressful in my schooling than I was with Celeste.  I have lived and learned.  Plus with Noah's personality there are some things that will just need to be done differently.  That is one beauty of homeschooling.  We will be able to take his interests into consideration as he grows.  Noah is getting speech therapy through the schools at our home 2 days a week, he has a special instructor that comes one day a week and adaptive PE one day a week.  He also has OT at the hospital one day a week and is being evaluated to possibly start speech and PT at the hospital soon.  I am seeing this year, the year of being 4 , as such a vital year for Noah.  He already is very curious and LOVES to learn and we want to do all we can this year to really build on that and help him overcome the hurdles he has had in his little life.  Noah is now 36 lbs and 38 inches tall!  I never would have thought!  He came home from Taiwan and could wear 12 months clothes.  Now he is moving into 3T and some 4T!  When we got him a toddler size 4 was too big, now he is in a toddler 8!  Noah is still my big helper boy!  HE LOVES to clean and to help.  He will knock himself out tryiin to get to you and help with things!  Sometimes it is a good thing and sometimes it is not. LOL  but he is really getting to where he is a true big help.  He can put all the silverwear in the drawer in the right slots in the tray.  He can also hand me things out of the dishwasher for me to put up in the cabinet.  And I can hand him clothes out of the washer and he wil put them in the dryer for me :) He is the cutest thing when he grabs the small broom and dustpan that stands and sweeps my kitchen!  Can't wait for him to sweet well enough for it to totaly count! LOL He ill pick up clothes and towels and such and run them to the hamper.  It is so cute and he really seems to like it.  PRAYING it continues in a healthy way anyway.  He remains a junk food junkie and really only wants junk so we have a huge battle there :(  He does love cheese so that helps but of course with already having bowel issues its not hte best choice All the time.  I look at him and I wonder where did my baby I picked up at SLC go?  He is becoming more and more a little boy and I am excited to see him at this stage but I do so miss him at times, the baby him.  He is an awesome big brother but he does get jealous of Jeremiah and me , for that matter he gets jealous of bobby and Me and Celeste and me.  At times I feel guilty like I am not able to give him all of me he wants and I definitly feel like I fail him in so many ways.  I just keep striving to do better.  He is my sweet Panda boy and I look at him I am reminded of how BIG my God is!  I still at times can't believe that God really blessed me with this increadible little boy!  That Taiwan actually said YES YOU can have this baby!  that God helped us raise all the funds, and got me there on those planes.  Sometimes it seems like a dream that is too good to be true and that someone will show up and say never mind we changed our minds.  We do still battle sensory and his temper issues but all are improving greatly.  I look on him and I can't wait to see the man of God he is going to become! :)  Wel, I have babbled on and on here and what you all probably really want is bday party pics :)  So I will put some here :)

Panda Boy and Aunt Pam on the Choo Choo at his party

Everyone so loved the choo cho.  NOah had a total blast!  I am THRILLED I thought of this and FOUND one :) and it is a double barrel so much safer and sturdier :)  LOVE IT :)

Aunt Pam's land was a perfect place for this party :) 

can you see the big smile?

Jeremiah got to ride too :)  With my friend Erin :)

He was so cute :)  He would hollar 'All Aboard!" and then blow kisses at us! :)

The cake.  this was suppose to be a non stress cake but did NOT turn out that way.  Bobby wanted me to do the round cakes and not try to make cakes shaped like the engine and the individula cars and decorate with candy cuz he thought this would not be stressful.  I am just that kinda person cuz I still stressed and nothing worked the way I wanted :(  the track slid off the cake too LOL DERAILMENT

NOAH LOVED the Pinata :)

For all those still following along :)  Panda Boy and I send you Kisses in the Wind! 

WHO CAN??

Who can?  Who can grow brain where there was NO brain??  MY GOD CAN!!!!! We received the radiology report today while at the pediatrician.  Granted it has NOT been interpretted by the Neurologist and only by our Pediatrician and myself but it still holds AMAZING NEWS of an AMAZING GOD who performs creative miracles! :)  For those who may not know or remember, Jeremiah's Neurologist stated after testing in June that everything from the ears up of his brain had died and was reabsorbed by the body and was nothing in there but fluid.  He had a working brain stem and a small part of the cerrebellum.  Well, the MRI from Friday showed:

" There is multicystic encephalomalacia of large portions of both cerebral hemispheres with multiple cystic spaces and gliotic strands replacing large portions of the cerebral hemishpheres. (so NOW we have cerebral hemispheres!!!!!! ) The anterior and medial temporal lobes, thalami, and basal ganglia are relatively spared!  ( He now has temporal lobes, thalami and basal ganglia!!! whatever those are LOL) The brainstem and the cerrebellum are grossly within NORMAL LIMITS in appearance!!!!! " I am BAWLING GUYS!!!  So not only does he have a FULL cerrebellum but it is NORMAL!  and he has WAY more brain than he had in June!  GOD IS ABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!  And again I say GOD IS ABLE!!!!!  I give ALL GLORY , HONOR, and PRAISE to the KING of KINGS and LORD OF LORDS for this creative MIRACLE!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Now, we have NOT talked to the Neurologist about this.  We have an appointment to see him on April 28th.  HE is the one that gave us the CRITICAL prognosis.  NOW, I am thinking, and the pediatrician is thinking that the above just MIGHT change that prognosis!  I am TRYING not to go hog wild till I hear the brain doctor say for sure what this means for Jeremiah but I am over the moon with excitement that the God of heaven and earth chose to perform a creative miracle on MY BABY :) and I got to witness it! :) 

Our Pediatrican is the bomb and she was so amazingly sweet and excited about what all it showed today! :)  It is so nice to know she cares :)  I think that her entire outlook will be a bit different now.  Granted even if no brain had ever grown and his function never improves he has value and deserves the best love and care he can get!  Nothing really is changing as far as how we view him or treat him other than I can't pick him up without bawling in thankful prayer at this point! LOL  I do hope that it wll set the minds of some at ease that the lethargy was the "this is it" time for him.  On that note, the pediatrican last tuesday lowered his depakine seizure medicine by 12 percent and today retested the level to see how it looks today. We should know more later.  I will say that he as been more alert each day and it defintily has made a difference! :)  So thankful someone finally listened to my "testing" and gut feelings. Well they just called and now the level is too low.  BUT since we are not seeing seizure activity and he is doing good to leave the dose as is till we see NEURO on 28th.  PRAYING hard that he does well. 

I LOVE that he is more alert and doing so good with that!  In PT yesterday he was moving the gait trainer all by himself.  The pt would move his feet forward and then he would push off and push it forward :)  and when he did he would SMILE so big!  I said then "I THINK THERE IS MORE GOIN ON IN HIS HEAD THAN THEY THINK! He really seems to enjoy it when we help him do stuff!  Well guess the MRI shows that to be true :)  I am anxious to go to our NEURO appointment now that we have this informatio to share and see what he thinks it means for Jeremiah long term :)  Also the Pediatrician got ahold of a Pediatric GI in a town a few hours away that someone at therapy recommended.  She spoke with them about Jeremiah and is making a referral for us to go see them.  I am AFRAID to go after what happend with last GI but thanks to my dear friend Lora's hubby I am armed with a bit more knowledge of what to discuss, what needs to be happening as far as Jeremiah and his GI needs and also I will refuse any type of intrusive exam at this point.  I will keep yall posted on when we are going.  Please continue to keep all of us in prayer :)  And pray that this MRI means that the "critical" prognosis will be changed now! :)  Even if its not it is still a HUGE miracle that there is bran now where there was no brain!!!

my sweet Jeremiah today waiting for Speech/Feeding thereapy :)

My sweet panda boy in speech at the house :)

HORRIFIC EXPERIENCE AT DR.

I am in tears and beyond upset.  I am trying despretly to calm myself down here.  Today I took my sweet baby Jeremiah to see a Pediatric GI Spectialist at a local hospital that I HATE.  It was against my better judgment but being there are only 2 Pediatric GI drs in town and one is at the place and the other I have been warned against :(  I was a nervous wreck going to this place but NEVER dreamed it would be like this :(
This dr was a very old man. He seemed very confused to begin with and the WORSE PART IS He hurt my baby boy :(  He shoved his finger up his  behind hard!!! Miah cried and turned blue and the dr. just kept talking. He shoved it in hard! :( He said he was doing a rectal exam but he did not LOOK at Miah in the face or for that matter at his but.  He just shoved it in there and jerked him as he did.  I was SHOCKED and HORRIFIED.  I still can't believe this happened.  He assaulted my baby. :(  He acted like he was meat and not a baby. Kept talkin  about place here called holy angels that children with disabilities use to live at and would say "the downs" and "ones like him" and such  like they were things not people.  I am beyond upset, mad, scared, sad, and just a wreck :(  I am trying to find out HOW to report him and plan to let every person I know or ever meet here with children with special needs know he does NOT value children that are not perfect ;(  I am shaking I am so upset.  I am SOOO ANGRY at myself for taking my baby there and for not beating the old goat up when he hurt my baby.  I have been literally physically ill thinking about this since home.  Jeremiah has been VERY JUMPY every since this happened :(  He was very alert and smiliy earlier today adn now he jusut seems to have shut down :(   I am at a loss as to what to do about my son getting proper care :(  and how to go about reporting this horrific dr. :(  PLEASSE keep us all in prayer

Newsy Note and PICS about two cutue boys :)

Thought I would try and get a newsy note along with pics in on the blog this afternoon :)  I feel like I have not shared as much or heard from my bloggy friends as much lately and I dont like it.  :(  Facebook is great to get to know little snippets in everyone's life and I love it too, but I do miss the blogging and responces that use to come when I did blog more.  Course main thing is my prayer is to have this blog printed to keep and I dont want to leave lapses so they wont be there.  Course I need about $250 at least at this point to print what is here so far!  EEEK!  I so want to print it and then after that print like once a year but for now I can't swing that.  The boys are doing pretty good.  Noah is growing like a weed, well both of the boys are!  :)  Noah is growing in so many areas not just physically.  Talking up a storm!  You might not understand everything he says but he will TRY to say Noah version of just about anything he hears! He is definitly still very speech delayed but from MUTE to this is HUGE!  I saw a tv show not long ago about this teen boy that everyone in the community was afraid of because he just kinda went around watching and looking and never talked.   He was mute.  As I watched that episode of the Waltons I had my Noah sleeping on me and I bawled and bawled and my tears fell onto his face as I did.  I would have loved him just the same if he never spoke but OHHH how I am thrilled he did!  When I am tired and weary and NEED some space and he is on and on and mama this and mama that I REMEMBER how long I waited to hear MAMA from his lips and how thankful I am here can speak!  I look at my Jeremiah and I wonder if it will come with him.  Some have said he is basically a "vegatable" and will never speak or know anytying, others have said the communication will come by voice, other have said maybe he will communicate by switches.  I dont know but for some reason with him it is not as hard as it was with Noah.  Maybe because I have been through it before or maybe because with him I am just thankful for BREATHING!  His Sunday School class has a point system for particpation, bringing Bible, being on time, offering, etc.  Jeremiah was out when in the hospital and someone said that he got pionts and reward anyway since he was in the hospital.  I said Jeremiah gets WAAAY extra points for BREATHING!  lol  Noah is doing so well with his fine motor skills though gross motor are still behind.  Kinda odd.  Sensory issues are stil a big thing with him and so is his temper and such.  He is improving across the board and maturing so much.  He is kind, compassionate and caring most of the time!  And he will help you with anything, even things he is really not big enough to do but boy he will sure try.  He loves it.  Jeremiah health wise is having ups and down.  We had a few weeks of sleeping almost all the time.  Its been a very scary and emotional time.  We do think that it has been narrowed down now to how his body processes medicine and even though levels appear only slightly elevated he responds as if they are way elevated.  He is having a MRI this coming Friday.  The Pediatrician had a fit when she realized that noone has done an MRI on this child and all diagnosis, prognosis, etc had been based on an ultrasound in Taiwan and a ct scan here.  So yesterday she decided an MRI is happening.  It has been hard lately because therapy is concerned that he is regressing in some areas.  PT he is just missed alot being ASLEEP :(  which does not help, Feeding therepy he has regressed alot and we are not totally sure why.  Some we knew would come with the time on the vent but it is really more than anyone expected.  It is like we are starting over again tryin to give him tiny bites of ice water, crushed ice, or tiny bites of baby food.  It so hard to just want to give up and not try for oral feeding because he did so enjoy it and eat as best as he could before, so now that he really  doesnt want any part of it I am very emotional feeling like I have to give that back to him.  I am anxious to see what the MRI shows on him and see if it all changes his critical prognosis.  I often can put it in the back of my mind and not think about it but lately it has been brought up so much it is hard.  I find myself saying GOD NOT YET alot!  Several therapist and pediatrician were suspectiung that this is it, this is the new norm.  He is getting worse and just gonna sleep all the time until he is no longer here and I am like NO IT IS NOT.  SOMETHING IS WRONG.  Not everything is blamed on the cp and brain damage.  I did some tests on my own with his medicines.  Not changing the dose but changing when he took it.  Normally it was at 7 or 8 in am and 7 or 8 in pm.  Well he would get meds at 7 ish and therapy at 9, 10, or 11 sleep through.  On his bday he had meds at 8 am and was still asleep till 5 pm.  Then he was alert and happy till bedtime meds.  So I stayed up late this past friday and delayed his meds and PRAYED no problems with them being late.  gave them at 1:30 am, so not due till afternoon and he was alert and awake the whole evening until 1:30 am when I gave him meds!  HOURS of alert time, to work on rolling and play and even when I put him in his chair and turn on music he did not fall asleep but cood and such.  So Sunday night I stayed up late and did the same thing!  Gave him meds really really late.  Monday we went to therapy and he had one of his best sessions ever!  He even pushed himself forward in the gait trainer ON HIS OWN several times!  So all week I have been doing that staying up late and giving him meds late so they are not do till afternoon and he has had 3 amazing days of therapy!  Went to Pediatrician yesterday and told her about it and she agrees it most likely is medicine , the seizure one is what we think.  She called a pharmaceutical doc at picu and he helped give an idea of what we should try and go down to.  We lowered the dose by 12 percent starting last night.  So tonight I will give meds at normal time and see how alert he is tomorow.  Next tuesday they will do blood levels again and see where he falls and we are praying no seizurues or anything from the change.  Tomorow we finally see the Pediatric GI.  I am VERY VERY VERY NERVOUS and emotional about this appointment.  It is at the hospital I SWORE I would NEVER take my kids too and here I am taking him.  BUT it is only for consult and we will see what happens.  Any tests and procedures they have agreed to do at our hospital and have them sent to them so it is just the day of going there and going through it all to get to him and get the consult.  PRAY FOR ME PLEASE.  Celeste is dong well.  She is dating the Children's Pastor at our Church and they have very similar callings on their life and we can so see how the Lord can use the two of them together.  She is very involved in our young adult group at Church and it has been so amazing for her to have this group of friends at the same place in life as she is in.  She is working herself to death at her job and I keep praying for better and better for her in that department.  I do not see her alot even though she lives here and my heart aches but I am so thrilled she is happy :)  Now on to some pics :)

look at that TALL baby boy baring some weight on his legs!!! :)  He was dancing with his girlfriend (oops I mean his PT Lisa :) 

in the gait trainer workin hard! :)

he looks SOOO BIG in there :)

rolling baby! :)  he is trying so hard and helping more and more.  he does from time to time roll completely alone.  If he can push up on his arms and throw head back then he can do it! LOL

sitting nad lookin at Miss Lisa :)

sitting up ALONE!!!!!  he can sit for over 2 minutes.  This day I would say he went about 4 or so at least!

LOOK at that face! :)

holding up our head and pushing the vibrating dog :)

Noah is such a sweet big brother :)  DONT LOOK at mess in background please!

Noah has stayed in Children's Church about 4 times now!  He still cries but if it is one of 2 ladies that we give him too he will eventually calm down!  He loves them so much but really still does NOT want to go in without me.  We keep taking him though when its the folks he knows and loves because we know he needs Church on his level and I NEED worship again!  Its been almost 3 years!  This was takin by my friend Erin, the children's Church teacher most Sundays! :)  She text it to me this past week when I was home sick and had sent Noah with Celeste :)

waiting for my mom at walmart and being adorably cute :)

Nannie treated us to Red Lobster :)  NOAH eating his salad!  He did not care for the red cabbage in this one :)  LOL

HE LOVES HIS SALAD :)

our latest attempt at potty training FAILED again. This was as GOOD as it got, most of the time it was SCREAMING and kicking.  He just really does NOT want to do it and to be honest not sure he can.  He could not keep his trainin pants dry for 10 minutes.  Soaked after Nap and when wake in am.  Maybe his wife will potty train him when he gets married!

NOT happy to be in training pants :(

NOT SURE why this is sideways :(  ugggh.  But this is NOAH in the swing at the park.  Those who have bene around awhile may remember the first time I took him here and put him in this baby swing he FLIPPED OUT!  This day he was not thrilled with it  but he did not scream and let me swing him a few minutes!

Sideways again!  uggh  Jeremiah on the other hand LOVED the swing and smiled and coo'd the whole time :)

I know most of the picture is not here but I just LOVE how his eyes are shining with the smile!

soo playful :)  I LOVE watching him play and I ADORE when Noah smiles :)

more panda boy smiles :)

Noah's  bday party invitation! :)  He LOVES trains at this point :)  we found a trackless train they will bring and set up for the kids to ride for an hour,.  Then cake, ice cream , presents and train pinata :)  Will be fun!  PRAY for me as I figure out how to make a TRAIN CAKE!  eeek!

Thought I would share our school mascot for our Home School! :)  If you would like to see our blog for school  you can go here: http://trainupachild-dca.blogspot.com/

School Logo :)

Just started the blog and it will be having more and more on it as time goes on.  This year we are doing more lapschool than anything.  We might do one day a week for april and may.  Next year I will probably do preschool 2  or 3 days a week.  Though every day is school when you homeschool! :) 

Well, all my bloggy friends out there in cyber land!  I feel lonesome!  Please leave me some commets!  I miss yall :)

I am blowing yall kissses in the wind! :)