Not flesh of my flesh, nor bone of my bone; but, still miraculously, my own.
Never forget, for a single minute you didn't grow under my heart, but in it.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Two Steps Forward, Three Steps Back

I feel like in alot of things that is what we do, we take two steps forward and then bam we are three steps backwards. But I know Noah is doin better and better and I know he is joyful and happy more and more so this is good. We have been workin on trying to just get him where he will play in our room somewhere! The ONLY room so far he has been happy without bein held is the living room. I suspect this stems from being raised for almost 17 months in one room at SLC. He literally wigs if we put him down and even sit on floor beside him to play. He shows some interest in the crib when it has toys in it but not for long. Well, we have decided to try and get him to stay in there and play for longer and longer periods. We are LITERALLY right beside the crib. He will play happy a few minutes and then cry and I will talk to him and reassure him, play peek a boo with him through the crib rails and it is beginning to work. Last night he played in there a good while and I sat in the chair RIGHT by it and read emails. Well, the next thing I knew HE WAS ASLEEP! I was like WOW! Then I cried. LOL I know you are like HUH? heehee but I did, then I felt guilty for not takin him out when he was fussin. Bobby was like but he wasnt fussin when he went to sleep, he was playin happy at that point. Then I worried if he was ready for all night. But we decided to try and go to bed. So we get in bed and I am like constantly lookin over at the crib, prayin over him, worrying. We sleep with music and a fan so then I am worried we wont hear him if he cries! NOW if you know Noah that was just silly on my part :) heehee but I am this worryin mama. So I never actually went to sleep. so a bit later he is coughin in the crib and I am worried about it but we are like wait and see what he does. It stops and he is quiet again. So then about 2 hours in the crib he wakes us SCREAMING! and so I go and pick him up. HE IS DRENCHED and smelly! He has thrown up all over himself and is NONE to pleased by it :( ugggh Poor guy, the first time he throws up and gets scared mama is across the room :( I felt so bad. I cleaned him up and he settled down in bed with us and went back to sleep. I still don't know WHY he threw up but I am so thankful he seems better. Here are pics of him at the beginning of the 2 hours on his first night to try and sleep in crib



Isn't he gorgeous???




I just love this little guy! :) So this mornin when he woke up I decided we should have a play session cuz he is so busy in our bed at 7 am! heehee so I put him in the crib with toys. He again fussed. I sat at computer and when he fusses I talk to him and he will calm a bit and play. It is a process. I just have to time takin him out after playtime when he is playin and not fussin.

We seem to be goin forward and back on eating too. I know this is all a process it just worries me I am not bein a good mom to him. But all I can do is pray and love him and do what I think is right as we go right?

It amazes me how MUCH I love this little guy! I so worried it would feel odd or I would have to learn to love the actual baby since it had been pictures I fell in love with, but nope. I loved him immediatly and each day is stronger and stronger. EVERYONE loves him! heehee We walk in a room and faces light up! :) and then his does too! He is such a people person but DONT try and take him from mama! :)

Well, I best get of here and see if we can begin the morning war, oops I mean breakfast! heehee

WE send you hugs and kisses in the wind!

8 comments:

Lisa said...

Hi!
Oh my goodness...thank you so much for visiting our blog and taking the time to say hello! I may not have found your AMAZING journey if not and I absolutely want to keep following along!
Your son is gorgeous and your love for him pours out of every word you shared in your post.
I'm sorry the transition has been challenging, but I DO think you are doing an amazing job..and if Noah is happy & content then all is as it should be!
I know you wondered where our little man is currently. We are part of the Foster Care Program through Taiwan(JOH) and have been blessed beyond words by this newest miracle! We are so eager to have him home, but your story reminds me that patience is well rewarded! What an inspiring story you have!
Thanks again for saying hello and please stop by anytime!
I will definately be back for more peeks at your lovely family!
Lisa C.

Teresa said...

Tami,
I just wanted you to know I have been reading your blog and faithfully keeping up with how Noah is doing. I just haven't taken time to comment often and thought I needed to change that. I think Noah is doing amazing and you are so attentive to him. He has to be loving all of this attention from all the family including big sis Celeste. He looks so happy. I'm so impressed with how you have kept up the blog. You make me feel bad!! LOL! Keep the faith, girl! What a blessing it is to see all of you together.
Love and blessings,
Teresa

momwithfaithandhope said...

I can see why you're so in love Tami! What a sweet angel. . .praying for sweet dreams for panda boy and for his Momma too! Hugs, Tiff

marina said...

Tami he looks great - I think you are the perfect mama for him!

The Becks Family said...

Tami,
You are doing such a great job with Noah. I'm amazed at how much progress he's made in just a few short weeks. I can't wait to get Breelyn and him back together. :) I was thinking. You had skype right? What if we do a webcam thing when Breelyn gets home?? Just to see their faces. :)
Holli

AZmomto8 said...

I am so happy for Noah and for your family, adoption is not what I thought it would be either, I thought it would be different than bonding with bio-kids, but it is not.

Congratulations!

The Robison Family said...

Tami,

HE is the sweetest angel. I know you are so happy our Lord chose Noah especially for you! You are doing a wonderful job. It is completely new isn't it after having such a long break in between kiddos? I know it was new all over again for me. I will pray your precious panda boy will sleep better and that you will find the rest you need. Thank you for continuing to share your journey so faithfully. I am loving being able to watch Noah grow and learn and adjust. Keep up the wonderful work Mom!!

Shannon

momwithfaithandhope said...

Hey you - you've been tagged - see my blog! Hugs, Tiff

THE WAIT FOR NOAH IS OVER!!!! November 3, 2007~September 8, 2008 First heard about Noah~Noah in our Arms!
AND NOW THE WAIT FOR JEREMIAH IS OVER TOO!!!
April 1, 2009~ June 7, 2010 First committed to Jeremiah~Jeremiah in our Arms!

The FIRST Picture we EVER saw!

The FIRST Picture we EVER saw!
Noah WesLee 5 months old

The First Picture we ever saw of:

The First Picture  we ever saw of:
Jeremiah Harold Sisemore ~1 year


Kisses in the Wind

KISSES IN THE WIND
I hold you in my heart and touch you in my dreams.
You are here each day with me, at least that's how it seems.

I know you wonder where we are... what's taking us so long.
But remember child, I love you so and God will keep you strong.

Now go outside and feel the breeze and let it touch your skin...Because tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God hold you in His hand until I can be with you.
I promise you, my darling, I'm doing all that I can do.

Very soon, you'll have a family for real, not just pretend.But for tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.


May God wrap you in His arms and hold you very tight.
And let the angels bring the kisses that I sent to you each night.


When Love Takes You In!