Not flesh of my flesh, nor bone of my bone; but, still miraculously, my own.
Never forget, for a single minute you didn't grow under my heart, but in it.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

This Christmas and ponderings

I have been thinking so much lately about all I missed in Noah's little 16 months of life before I was able to pick him up and also of all HE missed not being in a family. I have been so strange and reflective and somewhat sad as of late. It is harder than I ever imagined to not know things. Was Noah a fussy little baby? did he have colic? has he always thrown these horrific fits where he throws himself down and bangs his head on anything and anywhere. He does it stitting or standing. Did he do this at St. Lucy's or is it special just for me. when did he cut his first tooth? when did he roll over? the list goes on and on. I look at my baby book and I can't answer so many things. It feels like 16 months is such a LONG time but in the scheme of things it is not. Noah was not even old enough to KNOW he was an orphan. He never knew any different. I have been praying since even before we brought Noah home for the future children we know the Lord will bring us. a part of me wants to someday have that tiny little baby from birth that I get to be in the delivery room with the birthmom and start from the beginning. Another part wants another toddler because I have so loved this whole experience with Noah and I have this heart for the children others dont want. alot only want young young babies, and at that sometimes only the ones that have no special needs and such. Then part of me looks at some of these preschool children in European countries that if they are not adopted at age 4 and have special needs are never adopted and sent to institution to basically die. And I want to bring them all home. Good thing I don't have to make the decision on where all of our different children will come from. Just like with Noah, GOD will let us know! :)

A friend of mine made the below video and sent an email about it out and the timing of it was so interesting for me with all I have been thinking and feeling about Noah's life before us. This video makes me pray for and think about children at age 4 and 6 and older even that are "too old" to have a family take them. "hard to place" just like younger special needs babies are considered "hard to place". So sad to me. But I think of 4 years of missing out on the first 4 to 6 years of family life! Those poor children have no clue what they have missed I am sure but are beginning to get old enough to know that the younger children are chosen and they are not. BREAKS my heart :( Anyway, my friend made this with a Christmas song, This Christmas, I actually have listened to for a long time and she did this to help raise awareness about children and older babies who need homes! Please watch this video and pray for these children. The faces are REAL children with no family. They are children through the reeces rainbow ministry.


Ramona said...

The video is so heartwrenching. Those precious little faces. I know what you mean about not knowing about Noah's pre-family life. When I look at J's 1st Christmas picture at SLC, I'm so greatful they took the time but also sad because it's not part of her history as a family. Noah's a headbanger? We should compare notes. :-)

Lindsey's mom said...

SUch a moving video..Lindsey is not a head banger but a scratcher. Her behaviors have been calmed some we do consistent calm no hit/scratch/good soft touch. We also do removing her from the situation that she is in where she is scratching/hurting. She has been home 2 years this July.

brazzel6 said...

The video brought tears to my eyes! I am like you, in that I wish I could make sure that all children had families! We have been so discouraged lately because we have felt such a call back to China for a special needs child. That is not happening right now!:(

I too understand the things that are lost! I have even dealt with grief in myself and my children over this very issue! It is SO hard! Praying for you!

momwithfaithandhope said...

Having brought G home at the age of 2, I can relate. The one thing that I always say is, "I bet she did that with her foster family" and accept that what I'm seeing today is ultimately a result of what she did "yesterday" (well, what she did, learned, enjoyed, hated in Taiwan). I try to think of the positives, and what I do know. I was fortunate to have had the opportunity to ask a lot of questions, and I often go back and look at the responses. I also go back and look at the pictures from her younger days. Every time I do this, I pick up on something new. I'm able to tie what she's like today with what she was like in Taiwan. From the moment you brought Noah home, you began to influence his behavior, shape who he is. But you know just as well as I do, that He has a plan for Noah, and with your parenting and love, he will blossom into the man He intended for him to become. Enjoy today, enjoy Noah! And we'll all enjoy our headbangers! We've got one too.

THE WAIT FOR NOAH IS OVER!!!! November 3, 2007~September 8, 2008 First heard about Noah~Noah in our Arms!
April 1, 2009~ June 7, 2010 First committed to Jeremiah~Jeremiah in our Arms!

The FIRST Picture we EVER saw!

The FIRST Picture we EVER saw!
Noah WesLee 5 months old

The First Picture we ever saw of:

The First Picture  we ever saw of:
Jeremiah Harold Sisemore ~1 year

Kisses in the Wind

I hold you in my heart and touch you in my dreams.
You are here each day with me, at least that's how it seems.

I know you wonder where we are... what's taking us so long.
But remember child, I love you so and God will keep you strong.

Now go outside and feel the breeze and let it touch your skin...Because tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God hold you in His hand until I can be with you.
I promise you, my darling, I'm doing all that I can do.

Very soon, you'll have a family for real, not just pretend.But for tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God wrap you in His arms and hold you very tight.
And let the angels bring the kisses that I sent to you each night.

When Love Takes You In!